My husband and I have been experimenting with female domination and humiliation play for a little while now. While it had a few awkward moments at the beginning (I’m not naturally dominant and it took both of us a while to get comfortable with me saying/doing things that are fairly derogatory), it’s been a lot of fun.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to do, even with my husband giving me some ideas and saying what would be good and what would be off-limits, so I looked around to try to find some ideas.
What I found was a small handful of items that were intriguing for us, mixed in with a great number of things that just weren’t our style. I know there are plenty of people out there who do get into this kind of lifestyle fully and with few limitations, but I don’t know how realistic that is for most people. Personally, I don’t want to hurt my husband to the point that he has permanent marks, make him drink pee, get branded, lick up his own cum, practice bestiality, or do yard work in women’s lingerie in plain sight of the neighbors. These were all suggestions that came up pretty regularly when I was searching for ideas at the start. That, and some form of “rules” for making domination/humiliation a true lifestyle.
We just want something to have fun with for a day or two (minus orgasm control, which necessarily takes longer).
And if those are your thing, great (except for the bestiality thing, which I can’t disapprove of any more than I currently do) More power to you. But for people like me, I put together a different list of items I think are more doable.
Before I get to the list, please be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, which is my first BDSM/femdom work.
Now, for the list:
I guess these aren’t really required, but I almost always employ both of these for my husband and I when we set out to do a little femdom.
1. Make Him Serve You
You can accomplish this in a lot of ways, particularly using the other ideas below. Have a set time or times where you’re the queen and he’s the servant that has to take orders from you and do anything/everything you want. Massages, oral, food and drink preparation – whatever you want.
2. No Orgasms Allowed
For him, obviously. You can (and should!) get off as many times as you can. So for, we’ve set a specific number of days that he is not allowed to orgasm. He is currently at 12, but his birthday is coming up very soon, which is when he is allowed relief. Our previous long was seven days.
You can also change it from “number of days” to “number of your orgasms.” So, he would be required to hold out until you’ve had 10 orgasms, rather than waiting for ten days. Both would work equally well, in my opinion. We’ve also considered using dice as an alternative – rolling two or three dice and using the combined number to determine how long he can’t cum.
Like I said above, there are many ways you can go about the first two. Here are some other ideas we’ve either used or think are at least worthy of discussion.
Make him massage you for as long as you want. One of my favorite things to do when dominating my husband is to have him massage my body with coconut oil until I fall asleep. It feels great for me, it puts me to sleep, I don’t give him anything in return, and he gets horny because he’s been rubbing all parts of my body.
2. Oral and Rimming Anytime You Want
This one should almost be added to the Musts above. If your partner is anything like my husband, this is quite teasing for him as well. Giving oral and rimming always gets him excited. Obviously, you’re the only one that gets to finish.
3. Blow Him
No, really. Blow him. Just make sure you stop before he cums. Getting him hard and teasing him with the prospect of getting to finish before sending him on his way just short of the finish line can be satisfyingly cruel. By day three of being teased, he’s ready to do anything you want.
4. Sex Anytime You Want
Very similar to above. I like this one a lot because it’s even more challenging for him. The way he struggles to get me off while holding himself back, especially when it’s the 3rd, 4th, 5th+ day in is wonderful. My husband has wonderful orgasm control, but even he struggles after five days of edging. Which brings me to…
I’ve found that one of the best ways to dominate and control my husband is by giving him things that he likes. When I’m controlling his orgasm as part of domination/humiliation play, I’m giving him a lot of attention a lot of days. Getting him so excited he has his sights set on an orgasm, wondering if he really can keep holding out, before forcing him to take the wind out of his sails before revving him up again really establishes a high level of power and control over him. A man that has been brought to the edge of cumming twenty times over the course of a week with no release is a man that will do anything you want.
6. Cock Cage
Make him wear a cock cage that prevents him from getting hard. Granted, we tried that and ended up buying one that really didn’t do the trick for us (see: https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/05/14/sex-toy-review/), but there are many others out there that you could try. However, you could use packing tape or duct tape and tape his flaccid dick to his balls. Anything to keep him from getting hard and to make it uncomfortable if his body tried.
7. Sit on His Face
Smother him with your ass and take control of the oral. Getting oral doesn’t always need to mean laying back and waiting for him to do what you hopefully want. Sometimes it means riding his face and using his mouth as a tool to give yourself an orgasm. Sometimes it means cumming while listening to him struggle for breath.
8. Sit on His Face Like He Isn’t There
This has been one of my favorite sexual things to do to him that isn’t actually all that sexual. I’ll strip him naked and lay him on the bed, mount his face and watch an episode or two of TV that I like but he hates, all while pretending he isn’t even there.
9. Flirt With Other Men
You could do this out in public while he watches, but I think it’s easier to use Tinder or some other dating/hookup app. I like to do that while sitting on his face or while he’s massaging my feet. After a while, I’ll let him read some of the messages and tell him what I like about the guys I’m talking to.
10. Treat Him Like an Object
Use him as a foot stool. Or any other inanimate object.
11. Make Him Wear a Butt Plug
Granted, a lot of men like that. But for us, this is in part embracing some role play.
12. Make Him Bartend
Have him make your favorite drink(s) all night while only allowing him water. Or perhaps beer in a can. The more elaborate or cumbersome your drink to make, the better.
13. Make Him Cook
And not just anything. Have him make your favorite food, but only enough for you while he gets something he hates.
Or, you could have a lot of variation here. He could have the same thing as you, but you could put it on a dish on the floor and have him eat it like a dog. Or you could put it right on the floor. Or you could step in his food and have him lick it off your feet. If you’re feeling really bold, you could fart on his food
14. Use a Marshmallow
How is up to you. But if you ask me, you could press a marshmallow as firmly onto your asshole as you can, holding it in place with a thong. Keep it there for as long as you’d like before having him remove it with his mouth and eat it. While he prepares your favorite food, you could hold a marshmallow in your ass for the entirety of the meal prep and dinner, giving him the marshmallow as his “dessert.”
Farting into it is optional.
15. Whip Him or Spank Him
A timeless classic. Use your hand or use an object. We bought a whip (https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/05/15/sex-toy-review-part-2/), which I enjoy using much more than I ever expected.
16. Tie Him Up
Another classic. What you do with him from there is up to you, but tie him up and leave him helpless.
17. Have Him Lick Your Feet
Or suck your toes. Frankly, I really hate it. But more importantly, so does he.
Speaking of feet, when was the last time you had a pedicure? If you have a captive man intent on serving you and earning his orgasm, perhaps you can sit back and enjoy a pedicure before a nice meal and an orgasm before a massage.
19. Give Him Candy!
From your ass. Let him have as much candy as he wants, as long as he eats it out of your ass. Reese’s Pieces and M&Ms work quite well and can be inserted a little bit, too, until they’re nice and melty.
20. Hotbox Him
Hotbox him while he goes down on you under the covers.
21. No Need to be Clean
Have him rub your feet or sit on his face after you’ve finished exercising, but before you’ve showered. You could have him wash your body when you’re done as well.
22. Make Him Watch
Have sex with another guy or other guys while he watches and does not participate. Again, there are numerous reasons why a lot of guys are really into this (see, e.g., https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/06/05/why-do-men-enjoy-cuckolding/), but it is traditionally seen as degrading and there’s an element of role play in all of this.
You can verbally mock him. Or not. I never have because it’s just something that neither of us are into at all.
23. Don’t Let Him Watch
Have sex with another guy or other guys, but don’t let him watch
24. Tell Him How Good Other Guys Are
In either of the above cases, make sure to tell him how good the other guys were. Depending on what you two are into, you could have him go down on you when they’re done. If you clean up as little as possible, you’ll still smell and taste like sex. If you queef while he goes down on you, you can always tell him that you can’t help it – big dicks make you do that.
Actually sleeping with other guys is a big step, so if you’re not ready for it, you could just tell him about great sex you’ve had that didn’t include him. You could even make it up if you wanted.
25. Make Him Bathe and Dress You
Have him draw you a bath and wash your body, lotioning you from head-to-toe when you’re done. If you’re going to have sex with another guy, this is a great one to employ as your own foreplay.
When I was still seeing the first guy I regularly had sex with after starting to date my husband, he bathed me and rubbed body butter on my entire body before dressing me in my favorite lingerie. I have this purple corset combo that I love, but it’s really a pain to put on. When I was lotioned, he methodically dressed me in the corset – which I wore under my regular clothes – before sending me out the door to the other guy’s loft, obviously fully aware that I was going over to have sex with him.
26. Make Him Listen
Tie him and blindfold him before lying next to him and masturbate until you orgasm. Don’t take the blindfold off or restraints off until you’re fully dressed again.
27. Show Him How It’s Done
You could also let him watch you masturbate, but not touch himself. Or, you could have him rim you while you masturbate.
28. Reverse Spoon
I don’t know if there’s a different term for it already, but have him sleep with his face in your ass. My husband has put his pillow down by the back of my legs under the covers and position himself so that while I’m laying on my side, it’s sort of like he’s spooning me, but with his face in my ass. He doesn’t stay there all night, but he has done that for several hours at a time.
29. Dance, Monkey
It’s usually the woman dancing for the man, so flip the tables and make him give you a lap dance.
30. Dance for Him
If your goal is to make him as sexually frustrated as possible, a well-timed sexy striptease can drive him crazy.
31. Post Him Online
Find a forum for femdom or male humiliation and post naked pictures of him online. Obviously, only do it with his consent and most likely with anything personally identifiable (like his face) removed from the picture.
32. Dress Seductively
Do this as much as possible while you’re making him hold out. I have to be more careful about this than I’d like to because we have our kids around most of the time, but short skirts that make for easy upskirting, see-through leggings, lowcut tops, slutty lingerie at nighttime for no reason other than slutty lingerie at nighttime have been my friends. I want him thinking about sex as much as possible.
Most men are really grossed out by queefs, even though they seem entirely harmless to me. Funny sounding, but harmless. Queef around him or on him and watch him squirm.
34. Semi-Public Nudity
Obviously, you have to be careful because you don’t want him to get arrested. And if the neighbors happen to see, you can’t get them to unsee it.
But, we have a semi-private backyard. I’ve tied him to the playset after dark and left him there. It’s very unlikely that any neighbor would have been able to see him, but not impossible.
Unless this is really going to be a lifestyle for you (in which case, most of this is just too effing mild), I would recommend setting times where you’ll play. If you’re withholding his orgasm, a lot of this will extend for a number of days. But set aside specific time frame – e.g., one evening – where you’ll do the “mean” things to him. It can be fun to have my husband serve me and get turned on by me doing what would otherwise be unpleasant things to him, but it would be a lot less fun if we didn’t have set, specific times for that part of our play. I want most of my time spent with my husband to be where we’re treating each other as equals.