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Erotica sex Swinging

Would this be a good punishment?

My husband and I are still going strong on No Nut November. He passed the halfway mark – and then some since I made him start a day early.

But I’m struggling a little to think of ways to tease him, outside of what we’ve been doing. He’s been getting me off regularly, massaging me, serving me, etc., and I bring him close to cumming every day before forcing him to hold off. 

What I was thinking was maybe it would be a good torture move to bring him to a strip club – but without his glasses or contacts. I can see other men, but he can’t see other women… but his vision is so terrible it’s almost funny. Even though he would know naked women were just feet away, he still wouldn’t even really see them. The strippers may as well be wearing parkas and would merely look like moving fuzzy blobs. 

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sex

How Slippery is the Slope?

My husband and I were talking about the slippery slope that may (or may not) exist in the sex industry. Specifically, how big of a leap is it for a stripper to go from giving lap dances to giving blowjobs for money? 

My husband said that he thinks that – for the stripper – the jump isn’t all that big. Working in a job where you’re naked or nearly naked all the time and rubbing against strange guys for cash desensitizes the dancers so much that the vast majority of them would view giving a blowjob (or more) as being just a baby step beyond giving a lap dance. 

On the one hand, let’s just acknowledge right off the bat that everyone has a price, whether they want to readily admit or not. Most of us don’t know what our price is, exactly, and we’ll never experience having someone offer us an absurd amount of money for some sexual act, but I have no doubt that if a random guy offered my husband five million dollars for a blowjob, my hubby would have the highest paid fifteen minutes of his life. And the same could be said for virtually everyone else in the world, give or take a few million bucks.

But that doesn’t mean I think it’s a small step for a stripper to become a prostitute; I think that blowing the customers is the rare exception, rather than any kind of norm. It definitely happens, but I would guess it’s a very small percentage of the time. I think it’s still a pretty big move to go from giving a lap dance to a fully clothed stranger to demonstrating your deepthroat skills to him. 

Pornstars, on the other hand, are a different story to me. When I think about it, if a woman is already comfortable with having sex with a guy on camera in a room full of people (primarily men), all of whom are in close proximity to her to begin with, I feel that having sex with two men is barely any different. Unless it’s going to include double penetration (and even then, it depends on what she was doing with just the one guy), the things she would do with two guys is really similar to what she was already doing with one and she’s still doing it on camera and in front of the same number of other people. 

But strippers? I think that’s a different story. Maybe it differs between a strip club versus a stripper that would come to a private house/party. Most places (at least in the U.S.) don’t have male strip clubs, but parties where women have hired male strippers have a reputation for getting far, far raunchier than any guys’ night out at a strip club. But male or female, regulations outside of an established business are naturally going to be harder to enforce, so I suppose that a lot of the private party strippers who do want to get paid for… extracurriculars… may gravitate to that more private venue because it’s what they wanted in the first place.

I still think that stripping and engaging in prostitution are very different situations, though. Obviously, there’s some crossover, but just think that a lot of women who are okay with being a prostitute will also strip if they’re attractive enough, both to have a cover for legitimate income and to meet prospective customers. 

Just my two cents. What do others think?

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sex Swinging

Does More = Better?

Specifically, does anyone else find themselves turned on, or at least intrigued, by the thought of doing a lot of something that they otherwise don’t like? Like, having a threesome doesn’t do it for you, but being in an orgy or a gangbang does? Or getting spanked during sex is a turn off, but being tied down and spanked hard and repeatedly turns you on?

For me, I’m not a fan of facials.  I don’t hate facials, but on their best day, I’m neutral about them. It’s not like they feel good. I think the feeling is a little bit gross, actually. And then it’s just messy, but not so messy that it couldn’t be contained, which irritates me about them. Maybe a little OCD tendency coming out there, but I am who I am. 

BUT, I like to think of being in a bukkake. Four, five, six guys all taking turns, leaving less and less of my face uncovered for the next guy with my husband going last and adding to the heap already running down my skin. There’s so much cum that the idea of containing it like one neat and tidy facial is laughable. 

Just curious if anyone else shares this “a little is bad, but a lot is good” thinking with anything else in the bedroom. 

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sex Swinging

Why the Stigma Against MFMs?

Or “sluts” in general? I’ve referenced the stigma against women having multiple partners, threesomes (especially with two guys, specifically), a high number former sexual partners, etc. in multiple of my previous posts, although I haven’t really figured out why the stigma exists in the first place. I think most people would agree that the stigma exists, but it just seems crazy to me that it does.

I mean, guys want to get laid, right? Gay, straight, or bi, guys wanting to get laid is a premise that I think we can all get behind. Straight guys are looking for women, so women that are DTF are just doing something that makes everyone happy. 

But then (primarily straight) guys shame them for being apparently too slutty while some certain women pile on. It makes no sense to me. Now, if it has an effect on women, I think they’re just more likely to not have sex with the next guy that comes along that they want to sleep with. Which, since women like sex, too, means everyone loses. 

It’s just all so silly to me, this culture of shame that exists. It was instilled in me a long time ago and in my husband, even though neither of us agreed with its existence.

I still remember watching a movie a long time ago – at least a decade. I can’t remember what it was. Something mindless to wind down with at the end of the day. But a man and a woman in college were competing over something and they were trying to blackmail the other. The things they were blackmailing each other with were escalating in how bad they were perceived to be. And the trump card that the guy played on the woman was that he would tell people about the time that she made out with two different guys at the same time. Like that was just such a whorish and unforgivable/embarrassing thing that she was supposed to do almost anything to keep it a secret. 

I feel like she should have been proud of that accomplishment. Any guy would be proud if the situation was reversed.

In any case, I’m still not entirely sure why a culture of shame over female sexuality exists and why we celebrate men who sleep with a lot of women but look down on the women. It takes two guys to make an MFM happen, and no one should be judged in the first place, but the woman is looked at worse for some reason. I refuse to believe that the stigma exists because society just feels this impenetrable biological pull that causes men to seek many partners and women to seek one provider. 

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sex

No Nut November?

Is anyone else participating in No Nut November? This is a first for my husband and I, but since quarantine started back in March, I’ve denied him orgasms three times. The first was for a week, the second was for 13 days (it would have been a full two weeks, but day 13 was his birthday), and the last time was until he got me off on ten different days, which I stretched out to about 16. 

So if he’s successful, this is going to nearly double his longest streak. I don’t think he’s going to make it, personally. He has good willpower for holding out, but a month is a long time. But I also don’t know if we do NNN quite right. He still has to please me and I can still get off with him, someone else, or by myself. He just gets no release for himself. It’s a lot harder to resist when he’s still having sex/getting a face full of ass, but just not being allowed to cum.

I guess if he does, good for him. That’ll be a well-earned orgasm on December 1. 

I had no idea Ariel participated in No Nut November. I knew there was a reason she was my favorite princess growing up.
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Erotica sex Swinging

Polyamory v. Swinging

Not a bad way for a girl to wake up in the above shot.

 A lot of people tend to group polyamory and swinging as being one and the same, even though the reality is much different. I mean, sure, both practices involve consensual non-monogamy, but aside from that, they really diverge. 

In swinging, you have one or both partners sleeping with other people with their significant other’s full knowledge. Or at least approval, in the case of swingers where one of the partners doesn’t want to know (or doesn’t get know) what the other is doing. But the sex is recreational and without commitment. It’s for the couples who crave a certain variety in their sex lives, or who enjoy watching, being watched, threesomes, foursomes, bigger groups, etc. There may also be some low-level amount of dating, but sex involving others is at least the main event in swinging, if not the only event.

By contrast, polyamory also typically involves sex with others, but the focus is on having additional relationships with other people on an emotional level. Any sex is really more of a byproduct of being in a relationship, not the sole/primary purpose of the relationship. The connections sought after are much more personal, deeper. It isn’t being done as a recreational activity. 

To me, despite any similarities, you can’t really compare the two much more than you could compare a long-term romantic relationship with the one-night stand you had with that guy whose name you don’t entirely remember. 

I can remember when I first heard of polyamory. I hadn’t come around to the realization that threesomes with two guys was something I actually wanted all that long before then, but still, the idea seemed so… taboo. Like, MFMs happened and they happened WAY more than portrayed in the media, but the idea of three or more people all being in a group-type of relationship still hadn’t even crossed my mind as being a real thing. 

The idea really turned me on. It still does, actually. Picturing being in a committed, ongoing, consensual, and closed relationship with two or three men who are only dating me and all at the same time makes me horny every time I think about it, without fail. And my husband I talked about it to some degree after we got engaged. Our schedules didn’t quite match up and he kept telling me that I should have a daytime boyfriend and a nighttime fiance. Which sounded amazing. 

And I did see some other guys during that time period while I was off and my husband was at work. And that was great and a lot of fun for both of us. But it was never in a way that more closely resembled polyamory over swinging.

The reality for both of us, though, is that neither one of us is all that cut out for polyamory. Truthfully, I don’t want the extra relationships and I think the reality of polyamory is that I couldn’t juggle the needs and demands that multiple partners would make of me. I wouldn’t be able to give enough, emotionally, to more than just my husband and I would always be wanting more, emotionally from them. The appeal, when I think of polyamory, isn’t the deeper connection with multiple guys – it’s the sex. I just want the below – a woman with two guys, engaging in the fun, flirty side of sexuality.

The jealousy is another side of polyamory that I think I would struggle with. There was some video on snapchat that my husband and I watched together a while back that was just about two couples that met and then made a quad, so both men exclusively dating both women (and vice versa). And that idea is appealing in a way (although not as much as one woman exclusively dating three men), but I know the jealousy would get the better of me, regardless of whether the men are dating other women or not. I mean, maybe I’m wrong and it would work out perfectly, but I just can’t picture it for myself. 

Obviously, everyone is different and what works for one person/couple may not work for another. 

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sex Swinging

Double Barrel Blowjobs

Is it primarily only bisexual guys who are into them? Or are most men who are into MFMs and MMFMs also turned on by double barrel blowjobs?

If you aren’t familiar with what they are, urban dictionary can always help. But basically, it’s when a woman not only gives a blowjob to two guys at the same time, but puts both dicks in her mouth at the same time so they’re like a double barrel shotgun on their way into her mouth.

My husband likes them and I always have thought that threesomes work best when the guys aren’t afraid of each other, so I’m happy to oblige. I’ve seen the term “heteroflexible” before and since the guys necessarily have to touch for a double barrel BJ, I figure they have to be at least a little bit heteroflexible to enjoy this one.

My husband is straight and isn’t interested in doing anything with another guy without me in the middle or in touching the other guy unless it’s a part of getting inside of me, but I’ve always wondered where most guys fall with this sort of thing. Societal expectations are that women are heteroflexible, at a minimum, and preferably bisexual, but that really doesn’t seem to extend to men.

Not that labels matter. If you’re new to MFMs, you should definitely be discussing what you’re all comfortable with. No one wants an awkward moment where someone is freaking out because an unknown line was crossed.

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Erotica sex Swinging

Domination and Humiliation Ideas

My husband and I have been experimenting with female domination and humiliation play for a little while now. While it had a few awkward moments at the beginning (I’m not naturally dominant and it took both of us a while to get comfortable with me saying/doing things that are fairly derogatory), it’s been a lot of fun.

I wasn’t entirely sure what to do, even with my husband giving me some ideas and saying what would be good and what would be off-limits, so I looked around to try to find some ideas.

What I found was a small handful of items that were intriguing for us, mixed in with a great number of things that just weren’t our style. I know there are plenty of people out there who do get into this kind of lifestyle fully and with few limitations, but I don’t know how realistic that is for most people. Personally, I don’t want to hurt my husband to the point that he has permanent marks, make him drink pee, get branded, lick up his own cum, practice bestiality, or do yard work in women’s lingerie in plain sight of the neighbors. These were all suggestions that came up pretty regularly when I was searching for ideas at the start. That, and some form of “rules” for making domination/humiliation a true lifestyle.

We just want something to have fun with for a day or two (minus orgasm control, which necessarily takes longer).

And if those are your thing, great (except for the bestiality thing, which I can’t disapprove of any more than I currently do)! More power to you. But for people like me, I put together a different list of items I think are more doable.

THE MUSTS

I guess these aren’t really required, but for my husband and I, I will definitely be employing both of these when we set out to do a little femdom.

1. Make Him Serve You

You can accomplish this in a lot of ways, particularly using the other ideas below. Have a set time or times where you’re the queen and he’s the servant that has to take orders from you and do anything/everything you want. Massages, oral, food and drink preparation – whatever you want.

2. No Orgasms Allowed

For him, obviously. You can (and should!) get off as many times as you can. So for, we’ve set a specific number of days that he is not allowed to orgasm. He is currently at 12, but his birthday is coming up very soon, which is when he is allowed relief. Our previous long was seven days.

You can also change it from “number of days” to “number of your orgasms.” So, he would be required to hold out until you’ve had 10 orgasms, rather than waiting for ten days. Both would work equally well, in my opinion. We’ve also considered using dice as an alternative – rolling two or three dice and using the combined number to determine how long he can’t cum.

OTHER IDEAS

Like I said above, there are many ways you can go about the first two. Here are some other ideas we’ve either used or think are at least worthy of discussion.

1. Massage

Make him massage you for as long as you want. One of my favorite things to do when dominating my husband is to have him massage my body with coconut oil until I fall asleep. It feels great for me, it puts me to sleep, I don’t give him anything in return, and he gets horny because he’s been rubbing all parts of my body.

2. Oral and Rimming Anytime You Want

This one should almost be added to the Musts above. If your partner is anything like my husband, this is quite teasing for him as well. Giving oral and rimming always gets him excited. Obviously, you’re the only one that gets to finish.

3. Blow Him

No, really. Blow him. Just make sure you stop before he cums. Getting him hard and teasing him with the prospect of getting to finish before sending him on his way just short of the finish line can be satisfyingly cruel. By day three of being teased, he’s ready to do anything you want.

4. Sex Anytime You Want

Very similar to above. I like this one a lot because it’s even more challenging for him. The way he struggles to get me off while holding himself back, especially when it’s the 3rd, 4th, 5th+ day in is wonderful. My husband has wonderful orgasm control, but even he struggles after five days of edging. Which brings me to…

5. Edging

I’ve found that one of the best ways to dominate and control my husband is by giving him things that he likes. When I’m controlling his orgasm as part of domination/humiliation play, I’m giving him a lot of attention a lot of days. Getting him so excited he has his sights set on an orgasm, wondering if he really can keep holding out, before forcing him to take the wind out of his sails before revving him up again really establishes a high level of power and control over him. A man that has been brought to the edge of cumming twenty times over the course of a week with no release is a man that will do anything you want.

6. Cock Cage

Make him wear a cock cage that prevents him from getting hard. Granted, we tried that and ended up buying one that really didn’t do the trick for us (see: https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/05/14/sex-toy-review/), but there are many others out there that you could try. However, you could use packing tape or duct tape and tape his flaccid dick to his balls. Anything to keep him from getting hard and to make it uncomfortable if his body tried.

7. Sit on His Face

Smother him with your ass and take control of the oral. Getting oral doesn’t always need to mean laying back and waiting for him to do what you hopefully want. Sometimes it means riding his face and using his mouth as a tool to give yourself an orgasm. Sometimes it means cumming while listening to him struggle for breath.

8. Sit on His Face Like He Isn’t There

This has been one of my favorite sexual things to do to him that isn’t actually all that sexual. I’ll strip him naked and lay him on the bed, mount his face and watch an episode or two of TV that I like but he hates, all while pretending he isn’t even there.

9. Flirt With Other Men

You could do this out in public while he watches, but I think it’s easier to use Tinder or some other dating/hookup app. I like to do that while sitting on his face or while he’s massaging my feet. After a while, I’ll let him read some of the messages and tell him what I like about the guys I’m talking to.

10. Treat Him Like an Object

Use him as a foot stool. Or any other inanimate object.

11. Make Him Wear a Butt Plug

Granted, a lot of men like that. But for us, this is in part embracing some role play.

12. Make Him Bartend

Have him make your favorite drink(s) all night while only allowing him water. Or perhaps beer in a can. The more elaborate or cumbersome your drink to make, the better.

13. Make Him Cook

And not just anything. Have him make your favorite food, but only enough for you while he gets something he hates.

Or, you could have a lot of variation here. He could have the same thing as you, but you could put it on a dish on the floor and have him eat it like a dog. Or you could put it right on the floor. Or you could step in his food and have him lick it off your feet. If you’re feeling really bold, you could fart on his food

14. Use a Marshmallow

How is up to you. But if you ask me, you could press a marshmallow as firmly onto your asshole as you can, holding it in place with a thong. Keep it there for as long as you’d like before having him remove it with his mouth and eat it. While he prepares your favorite food, you could hold a marshmallow in your ass for the entirety of the meal prep and dinner, giving him the marshmallow as his “dessert.”

Farting into it is optional.

15. Whip Him or Spank Him

A timeless classic. Use your hand or use an object. We bought a whip (https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/05/15/sex-toy-review-part-2/), which I enjoy using much more than I ever expected.

16. Tie Him Up

Another classic. What you do with him from there is up to you, but tie him up and leave him helpless.

17. Have Him Lick Your Feet

Or suck your toes. Frankly, I really hate it. But more importantly, so does he.

18. Pedicure

Speaking of feet, when was the last time you had a pedicure? If you have a captive man intent on serving you and earning his orgasm, perhaps you can sit back and enjoy a pedicure before a nice meal and an orgasm before a massage.

19. Give Him Candy!

From your ass. Let him have as much candy as he wants, as long as he eats it out of your ass. Reese’s Pieces and M&Ms work quite well and can be inserted a little bit, too, until they’re nice and melty.

20. Hotbox Him

Hotbox him while he goes down on you under the covers.

21. No Need to be Clean

Have him rub your feet or sit on his face after you’ve finished exercising, but before you’ve showered. You could have him wash your body when you’re done as well.

22. Make Him Watch

Have sex with another guy or other guys while he watches and does not participate. Again, there are numerous reasons why a lot of guys are really into this (see, e.g., https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/06/05/why-do-men-enjoy-cuckolding/), but it is traditionally seen as degrading and there’s an element of role play in all of this.

You can verbally mock him. Or not. I never have because it’s just something that neither of us are into at all.

23. Don’t Let Him Watch

Have sex with another guy or other guys, but don’t let him watch

24. Tell Him How Good Other Guys Are

In either of the above cases, make sure to tell him how good the other guys were. Depending on what you two are into, you could have him go down on you when they’re done. If you clean up as little as possible, you’ll still smell and taste like sex. If you queef while he goes down on you, you can always tell him that you can’t help it – big dicks make you do that.

Actually sleeping with other guys is a big step, so if you’re not ready for it, you could just tell him about great sex you’ve had that didn’t include him. You could even make it up if you wanted.

25. Make Him Bathe and Dress You

Have him draw you a bath and wash your body, lotioning you from head-to-toe when you’re done. If you’re going to have sex with another guy, this is a great one to employ as your own foreplay.

When I was still seeing the first guy I regularly had sex with after starting to date my husband, he bathed me and rubbed body butter on my entire body before dressing me in my favorite lingerie. I have this purple corset combo that I love, but it’s really a pain to put on. When I was lotioned, he methodically dressed me in the corset – which I wore under my regular clothes – before sending me out the door to the other guy’s loft, obviously fully aware that I was going over to have sex with him.

26. Make Him Listen

Tie him and blindfold him before lying next to him and masturbate until you orgasm. Don’t take the blindfold off or restraints off until you’re fully dressed again.

27. Show Him How It’s Done

You could also let him watch you masturbate, but not touch himself. Or, you could have him rim you while you masturbate.

28. Reverse Spoon

I don’t know if there’s a different term for it already, but have him sleep with his face in your ass. My husband has put his pillow down by the back of my legs under the covers and position himself so that while I’m laying on my side, it’s sort of like he’s spooning me, but with his face in my ass. He doesn’t stay there all night, but he has done that for several hours at a time.

29. Dance, Monkey

It’s usually the woman dancing for the man, so flip the tables and make him give you a lap dance.

30. Dance for Him

If your goal is to make him as sexually frustrated as possible, a well-timed sexy striptease can drive him crazy.

31. Post Him Online

Find a forum for femdom or male humiliation and post naked pictures of him online. Obviously, only do it with his consent and most likely with anything personally identifiable (like his face) removed from the picture.

32. Dress Seductively

Do this as much as possible while you’re making him hold out. I have to be more careful about this than I’d like to because we have our kids around most of the time, but short skirts that make for easy upskirting, see-through leggings, lowcut tops, slutty lingerie at nighttime for no reason other than slutty lingerie at nighttime have been my friends. I want him thinking about sex as much as possible.

33. Queef

Most men are really grossed out by queefs, even though they seem entirely harmless to me. Funny sounding, but harmless. Queef around him or on him and watch him squirm.

34. Semi-Public Nudity

Obviously, you have to be careful because you don’t want him to get arrested. And if the neighbors happen to see, you can’t get them to unsee it.

But, we have a semi-private backyard. I’ve tied him to the playset after dark and left him there. It’s very unlikely that any neighbor would have been able to see him, but not impossible.

OTHER NOTES

Unless this is really going to be a lifestyle for you (in which case, most of this is just too effing mild), I would recommend setting times where you’ll play. If you’re withholding his orgasm, a lot of this will extend for a number of days. But set aside specific time frame – e.g., one evening – where you’ll do the “mean” things to him. It can be fun to have my husband serve me and get turned on by me doing what would otherwise be unpleasant things to him, but it would be a lot less fun if we didn’t have set, specific times for that part of our play. I want most of my time spent with my husband to be where we’re treating each other as equals.

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Erotica sex Swinging

On Sloppy Seconds

My husband was not the first guy I dated that wanted to have an MFM threesome. In fact, I don’t think I’ve had a relationship, casual or otherwise, since losing my virginity where an MFM didn’t come up at some point.

But he was the first guy who wanted me to have sex with another guy and then come home to him for sloppy seconds sex. I suppose that just means he was the first real cuckold I’ve been with. Every other time I had sex with a guy while dating someone else, it was in a threesome and my BF/FWB wouldn’t have been okay not being present and partaking in the fun.

Like most women, I was surprised that my then-boyfriend proposed that I have sex with another guy without him even being there. I was the woman in one of my last posts (https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/06/05/why-do-men-enjoy-cuckolding/) who just didn’t understand the appeal. It seems so foreign to me now. To struggle to understand the appeal.

But I suppose it isn’t surprising in retrospect. I didn’t get it at all when I had my first threesome with two guys, and I wasn’t even dating either of them. Both were straight and I didn’t understand why they would be okay with sharing one woman. In my mind, it was like they were only getting half the sex. But I quickly came around to see all of the reasons why straight guys would want to have an MFM.

And then I didn’t understand when a boyfriend was into MFMs as well. Sure, I got the appeal to MFMs, but it took me a while to understand how jealousy wouldn’t ruin the whole experience for him. Even though he wanted it, I still felt like it was rude or disrespectful to have sex with another guy and my boyfriend at the same time.

I can actually remember promising that boyfriend that he would get to have sex with me first and be the first of the guys to cum. As though one were simply going to get behind the other one and wait his turn until Guy #1 was completely done. He quickly corrected me that that wasn’t what he was looking for. He wanted a threesome with spitroasting, double BJs, and both guys alternating positions and taking turns, etc.

I made the same mistake with my husband when he said he wanted sloppy seconds. I told him that we could screw earlier in the day before I went over to the other guy’s place. That way, I’d be “fresh” for him. He just looked at me funny and told me “No thanks” and that the appeal was for him to go second.

Even then, I still didn’t get it. I still had in my mind that it would be wrong to not let him have me first, so I promised him that I would clean up as well as I could right after and shower before I got home. He just shook his head and laughed a little bit, telling me I missed the point. He wanted me to look, smell, feel, and taste like I had just been fucked by another guy. There was little point to sloppy seconds if I was going to clean myself up so well that it was like nothing had happened at all.

He likes how I feel, smell, and taste different. He even knows by my look. I had sex with a guy who left our place not long before my husband got home and my husband knew that I had sex with someone. Granted, I didn’t clean up at all, but he could tell just by looking at me.

Most of our play is together, rather than me with other people while he waits, but we’ve done just sloppy seconds for him enough that he has a game from it where he likes to guess what I did when I get home without me telling him first. He tries to piece together oral, rimming, anal, vaginal, number of times, and where the guy came. He can do whatever he wants to me to try to figure it out and his accuracy is impressive.

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sex Swinging Uncategorized

Why Do Men Enjoy Cuckolding?

It’s a question I’ve seen many times, mostly by two groups of people. The first of which is men – particularly straight men – who are trying to understand why they are turned on by the thought of their partner having sex with another man or men. A lot of the time, they seem to be worried that they aren’t “normal,” even though they can’t quite figure out what they think it is that would be wrong with them. Hint: Nothing is.

The second group is women who are shocked by their husband or boyfriend bringing this fantasy up to them. Women who bring up cuckolding or hotwifing (which has a lot of similarities to cuckolding, but generally considers a more equal power dynamic, whereas that isn’t always the case with cuckolding. I could split more hairs here, but won’t.) first to their partner don’t have that same type of surprise. The women who question why men enjoy being cuckolded usually struggle with understanding why a man wants to be (in their view) cheated on, particularly when they don’t see what the men get in return. Almost always, however, it is the man who wants to be cucked that brings it up first.

I think it’s a very complicated and complex question that has many different answers. It’s one of the most common fantasies amongst both men and women and has been steadily gaining in popularity for years, despite being something that flies in the face of what societal norms dictate relationships should look like. Societal norms say that monogamy is the accepted standard. Men need to be “real men” who take “what’s theirs,” not weak and ineffectual men that can’t keep women from falling into the arms of other men. Men are supposed to be intensely jealous if their partner even looks towards another man and women are somehow devalued if they would even think about having more than one sexual partner. They should be ridiculed as a whore, slut, tramp, or whatever other derogatory term for a woman comes to mind. Nevermind that the appeal for women is simple here: women enjoy sex just as much as men. No one questions why men would want to sleep with two women; there’s similarly no real reason to question why women would want to sleep with two men. 

Honestly, I could explore the question of why men want to be cuckolded and the many different avenues it goes down for hours and hours. I won’t, because this is just a blog post. At least, I won’t go on about this for hours and hours in this singular blog post. I think the topic is fascinating and I’m sure I’ll revisit it many more times.

I’ll pull myself back on point before I start taking myself off on other tangents. Here is a completely non-exhaustive list of reasons why some men want to be cuckolded.

LIVE SHOW

Yes, men like porn. Yes, yours too. No, your husband/boyfriend doesn’t really think that strippers are gross. He might think that the environment that exists at a strip club is gross, but he doesn’t seriously think that being surrounded by attractive women that get completely naked for his enjoyment (and money, of course) is gross.

Your partner also really enjoys seeing you naked. If he doesn’t, there are other problems in the relationship. Being cuckolded gives a man the opportunity to not only witness live porn, but to see the partner he loves be that fantasy pornstar. For a lot of men this is a live show that’s better than any scene on a computer screen or any 20-year-old spinning around on a pole.

HEARING ABOUT IT

Any woman who has had a guy ask her to tell him about previous sex while they were having sex may relate here.

Some men may not want to watch you with other men, at least not every time. Some would rather get off on hearing about the sexual encounter later. If they’re hearing you describe it, rather than watching everything unfold, they’re able to craft a picture of what happened in their mind. For some, this can be better than watching because the scene and imagery they create plays out more perfectly than reality. I, for one, have had some pretty disappointing sex without my husband present, but it didn’t diminish things for him much, if at all. He was still able to create an image of me and the other guys romping through the bedroom like a couple of sexual Adonis’.

Still others just want to know that their partner had sex with another guy, but don’t want all the details. The suspense of not knowing exactly what happened enhances things for them and still allows them to create the entire image. I had sex with a guy once and only showed my husband that there was a used condom in the trash. The only other thing I said about it was that I had fun night. It drove him wild!

VIEW YOUR PARTNER AS A SEXUAL OBJECT

I’ve brought this one up before and the initial reaction from a lot of people is one of confusion. However, I think this is a very real reason for a lot of men to want to be cucked, particularly as the relationship grows and gets older. It certainly applies to my husband.

At the beginning, a lot of relationships are about that spark and sexual chemistry. You’re in the honeymoon phase and sex is right at the forefront of nearly everything you do together. Even when you’re out and about doing purely non-sexual things, at the back of both of your minds is the desire to get naked together again.

And that starts to fade over time. You don’t love each other any less, but your roles within each other’s lives expand. She becomes someone you bring to family events. You discuss finances and other long-term plans. She becomes a wife and a mother, a career-focused woman, or any other number of things that intelligent and highly complex people are apt to do. And her existence as a sexual person is still there, but it’s taken a less prominent role.

But in cuckolding, you’re reconnecting to that purely carnal part of both of you and you get to see her in a light that’s nothing but sexual. All of the outside noise and distractions can take a back seat, because while you cuckold, everything is about pleasure. With everything else she is, while watching her orgasm on top of another guy, she is only a sexual person.

Not that you have to wait a long time and have your relationship develop over the course of years for this to apply. Even when you’re in a pretty new relationship, cuckolding places her in a position of being seen in purely sexual terms, which, for a lot of people, is incredibly exciting in any context. 

THE THRILL OF THE TABOO

As noted above, societal norms and expectations demand that people act in a certain way. But for a lot of people, it’s a lot of fun to break those norms. They don’t want to feel constrained by these expectations and feel excited by doing something they “aren’t supposed to do.”

It can be a little exciting to do something that is supposed to be wrong and dirty. At least this kind of wrong and dirty is done with the full knowledge and approval of your partner, yet still wrong and dirty enough that you probably won’t tell your neighbors that you fucked your bull while your husband waited patiently for his turn.

ROLE REVERSAL

Very closely related to the above, the role reversal can be a lot of fun. Men are supposed to be the ones that desire multiple sexual partners, not women. It’s sort of like the male CEO of a company wanting to have a dominatrix control him all evening. The quiet, polite librarian that wants to whip her partner before having loud, headboard-banging sex.

This embrace of female empowerment and male submission can be exciting for a lot of men.

COMPERSION

Compersion is a real thing and occurs where someone experiences happiness from witnessing someone else’s enjoyment of something. More specifically, it’s a type of vicarious pleasure experienced from watching your partner have good sex with someone else. As it is put here:

“Loving someone essentially involves a desire for the beloved’s happiness. Too often, we add a rider, But only provided that I am the one to cause it!

That author goes on to point out that this can be more of an indicator of possessiveness than love.

Essentially, your partner may just enjoy seeing you cum so much that seeing you cum from someone else has a high level of appeal.

FEMALE SEXUAL FULFILLMENT

Related to compersion, many women have a significantly higher sexual capacity than their partners. They can have many, many more orgasms and don’t have nearly as lengthy refractory periods. For many, sex with a single man is never long enough and they finish an encounter wanting more.

Men who have that sort of partner may want to see her needs get fulfilled in ways that they can’t manage on their own. They also may be living vicariously through their partner and experiencing this higher level of sexual capacity that they can’t experience. I love my husband and he’s great in bed, but he couldn’t really please three women by himself at once. But he can live vicariously through me and experience that kind of sex when I’m with three guys at once.

JEALOUSY AS AN APHRODISIAC

While not universal, jealousy can be an especially potent aphrodisiac. I remember the first time I had a threesome with a guy I was dating, the first time I had sex while a boyfriend just watched, and the first threesome I had with my husband. After each one, I asked them: “Doesn’t that make you jealous?”

I couldn’t believe that seeing me with another guy didn’t make them feel like they were going to go crazy with jealousy. Do you know what all of them told me? “Yes.”

Yes, it did make them jealous. But no, it didn’t make them feel like they were going to go crazy with jealousy. At least not in a bad way. They liked feeling jealous. My husband has always put it as though jealousy from seeing me with other guys is always there, at least a little bit. But rather than making him angry and feeling like he wants to punch something, he says mixing jealousy with his horniness is like pouring gasoline on fire. It just makes him hornier and want me even more.

This article isn’t specifically about swinging or cuckolding, but it revolves around how jealousy within a relationship is a good thing. Seeing your partner with other people can make people “remember: Oh, yeah. Other people think my partner is hot. I think my partner is hot, too. I’d better start showing it.” One of the experts interviewed there noted that jealousy can cause someone to pay much more attention to their own partner.

Many people treat jealousy as being a bad thing, when really, it’s only certain reactions to jealousy that are bad. Others interviewed in the above article discussed the same concept (although again, not actual cuckolding). “[O]f course you want [my partner]. But guess what, [she’s] mine.” Cuckolding is just taking this another step. Of course you want her, sexually. But guess what, after I watch her get what we want from you, she’s still mine.

SHARING AS A SOURCE OF PRIDE

Some men want to share their partner because they’re proud to have her. Some men share pictures of their wives and girlfriends online or to their friends because they want people to see how hot she is and be envious of him. Some men want their partner to dress revealing when they go out so others can see what they don’t have.

Cuckolding takes this a little bit further. And it isn’t a case of the man being cheated on, because he isn’t. And it isn’t a matter of being too weak or too inadequate to take care of her needs (even if those things are said because of a desire to be humiliated). Rather, the cuckold is completely in control because he has the power to share “his” woman.

BICURIOUS EXPLORATION

I know there are women who really don’t want this to be the case, even if I don’t think it should matter, but it’s also possible that the guy is exploring some bisexual tendencies or curiosity. For some guys, if they want to explore bicuriosity, fooling around with another guy may be too intimidating, but being around a naked man while he’s having sex with a woman or going down on a woman seconds after another man has been inside of her is not.

HUMILIATION

Also, the guy just might want to explore the “M” in BDSM. Some people are turned on by masochism, which would include humiliation. Creating a scene, even if entirely contrived, wherein the cuck is playing the role of the guy too pathetic to fuck his woman right and is forced to watch a bigger, better, stronger man give her what she needs can be all the humiliation he’s looking for. Playing off the societal norms and expectations above, little more is more degrading than being forced to watch your partner please and be pleased by other men.

CONCLUSION

I know there are more reasons than what’s listed above and the nuances to every situation and reason can go on and on. And obviously, every person/couple that wants to explore cuckolding has their own reasons, which can be very personal to them. But with that said, in my experience, the above list provide some of the most common reasons for guys to enjoy being cucked.

Personally, I love that cuckolding and hotwifing are becoming more and more common, so whatever your reasons are for wanting to try it, I hope you talk it through with your partner and are able to make it a reality.