sex Swinging

How Can a Woman Bring Up Hotwifing or Cuckolding Successfully?

In my last post, I wrote about how men are almost always the ones to bring up hotwifing and cuckolding desires to their partner. It would be great if it didn’t seem like that was always the case, but we don’t seem to be there yet.

Which brings up another good question: If you’re a woman and you want to be a hotwife, how can you bring that up to your husband or boyfriend? Can it even be done successfully?

Just because it doesn’t seem to happen successfully very often, that doesn’t mean that I think it can’t be done successfully. I just think that it presents new difficulties. Namely, you have to be able to do it in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel threatened. After all, it’s only natural for a man to worry he is inadequate once his partner brings up the idea of a relationship that is only open on her side.

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on the matter, but I think I have enough experience to have a few decent ideas. Let me know your thoughts, or, if you’re a woman, how you’ve had success in the past.

Take It Slow

I think the biggest thing to avoid doing is to just sit your husband down and bluntly come right out and say that you want to be a hotwife. I know, I know – open and honest communication is key, especially with something like this. However, I think you run the risk of really putting your partner off if you approach it like that. You’ll have a harder time with helping him realize that he wants this too if he feels attacked and gets defensive. Bring it along slowly and let him warm up to the idea at his own pace. Perhaps he’ll be ready to jump right into it. Or perhaps he’ll need some time for the idea to grow on him.

I want to be clear that you certainly don’t want to mislead him at all, and you certainly don’t want to approach this in a way that manipulates him in any way. This is really about being honest, while also remaining tactful and giving him the time he needs to get over any socializations against wifesharing he might already have. Some men are huge babies about this sort of thing and will throw a tantrum at the idea. If this isn’t something that you absolutely need to have in your relationship, but is more something you would like to try, approaching this slowly might help avoid some ugliness if he’s the type that will never be open to MFM or hotwifing.

Work Hotwifing/Cuckolding Into Conversation

So how do you slow play something like this? I think that if you can start a dialogue of some sort about the topic without directly addressing that this is something you want to be doing, it can get him thinking about the topic on his own. Make a joke or two about MFM threesomes. It’s lighthearted, nonthreatening, and it can soften him up to the whole idea.

Watch MFM or Wifesharing Porn

So what if you can’t really naturally bring the topic up or make a joke to get the the subject out there? One obvious way would be to watch porn together. Make sure it isn’t the ridiculous, over-the-top kind of porn where the husband is being ridiculed or degraded in ways that only porn does, but something that reflects the more welcoming kind of thing you would more realistically want to be doing.

Read MFM/Wifesharing Erotica

Like mine:

And don’t try to hide it. Again, it can make him start thinking about the idea without it feeling pushed onto him or threatening him. It lets him get comfortable with the possibility at his own pace, and it lets him see that the idea is a turn on for you.

Know Why You Want to be a Hotwife

I think this one is very important. You don’t need to come at him with a bullet point list of the reasons why you want to be a hotwife. Actually, I think that would be weird and off-putting.

However, you should know what about the practice appeals to you and you should be able to explain it to him. Hopefully none of the reasons are that it’s because you find him to be sexually incompetent. If you do think he’s bad in bed, that’s probably a different conversation the two of you should be having. I would keep this one focused on all of the reasons why being a hotwife is appealing that don’t involve getting better sex (at until/unless you know that’s a turn on for him).

And there are plenty. If nothing else, I think that all men understand the appeal of a threesome. No one questions that literally all straight men would have sex with two women at once. It’s tough for men to seriously argue that they don’t understand how the inverse wouldn’t apply for women as well. You should also know what exactly you’re interested in doing since there are multiple ways to be a hotwife.

Know What Benefits He Would Get From It

Many men find there are many benefits to being a cuckold (or stag, if you prefer). He can probably figure out most of the benefits himself, especially since they can vary from person to person. But it would be good for you to know what you think he would enjoy about the situation by the time the conversation comes up.

Be Confident

And don’t apologize for having completely normal sexual desires if it comes to that. There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting to have sex with more than one man and you should be able to acknowledge that fact without feeling like you should be ashamed. No one is going to make a man feel ashamed because he thinks that an FMF threesome is sexy, so why should a woman be ashamed at thinking an MFM threesome is sexy?

Make Sure He Knows He is Still Your Number One

If you’re trying to do this as a way to fill a void in your relationship or you feel there are other big problems that this would be helping you cover up, you probably aren’t going to be set up to succeed as a hotwife. Assuming your relationship is going well, I would say that you should also make sure that he knows that nothing that would happen would make him replaceable. As it is put here:

You want to be able to provide honest reassurance that he is still your number one and that you won’t do anything that makes him uncomfortable. It would be best if you also were willing to give your word that he can withdraw his agreement at any time.

And that’s it! Hopefully some combination of the above will work for you, because I’m always in support of more people engaging in MFM threesomes. Of course, if you prefer to just jump right in flatly tell your partner that you want to have sex with other men, be my guest. I think you’re not likely to have that go well, but I could certainly be wrong.

sex Swinging

Who Brings Up Hotwifing/Cuckolding?

So you want to swing, but you aren’t sure if your partner feels the same. It can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up with your partner the first time. Something to induce the nerves, at least.

Even if you’re pretty sure that your partner has the same interests as you, putting it out there can make you question just how sure you are that you’re right. And if you have no idea? It’s enough to make you squirm. Even if a desire to swing is extremely common, no one wants to make their partner worry that you think they’re inadequate.

And therein lies one of the most common questions. Who is the first one to bring up hotwifing or cuckolding, or just swinging in general? The man or the woman? I’m focusing on M/F couples, predominantly straight here. The dynamics can change quite a bit with same sex couples.

In my experience, it’s the man that brings up a hotwife or cuckold fantasy first, and I know that I’m not alone on that. In fact, I had to really dig to find examples of women online who were the first to bring the subject up, at least successfully.

There could be many reasons for that, but really, I think most men feel threatened by that kind of request from the woman they’re seeing, even if it is a turn on for them. It can feel emasculating and threatening, but not in the good, exciting way. After all, if a man wants a hotwife because he gets off on the degradation aspect, it’s a contrived degradation. It’s just all a part of role play that’s part of being in what’s seen as a safe and secure relationship.

And it’s hard to blame them for that, really. It’s only natural to feel like a woman would only be asking for permission to screw other men because she sees her partner as inadequate. That’s likely not the case, but it’s a completely normal thought.

No, almost all of the articles and accounts I’ve seen involve the man broaching the topic first. At least when it’s been successful. And it’s usually taken a little bit of persuasion before the woman comes around.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple where the woman is a hotwife where she was the one to bring it up, either. I did know a woman in college who brought it up to her boyfriend. It didn’t go well, even though he was into it. He thought she was just cheating and eyeing a threesome with a guy she was seeing on the side and didn’t take to her suggestion well.

It didn’t help that he was right, even if his being right didn’t affect his initial reaction.

Does anyone have a different experience where the woman brought it up first with success?

It just seems that there is so much misunderstanding about wifesharing, hotwifing, cuckolding, etc., that adding in extra insecurities when the woman brings it up first makes it that much more difficult.

As always, please check out my hotwifing/cuckolding works. The On His Orders series is racy; Hooky is on the tamer side. Enjoy!

General sex

Who Enjoys Facials?

And not the kind you get at the spa.

Serious question, but do any women really like them? I suppose I mean, do large numbers of women enjoy when a man slathers her face in baby gravy? Obviously, some women will enjoy them – there is a fetish for pretty much anything.

But am I alone in thinking they aren’t all that great? I wrote about my feelings on the act in an earlier post. On my best day, I’m neutral about it. Usually, they feel kind of gross. If my husband were really into them, I would do it, but I prefer not to.

Is the idea only in people’s mind due to porn? As far as porn goes, it makes perfect sense to me that facials are the norm. Porn is obviously a visual medium and facials are the visual embodiment of the climax (or several, if you have a gangbang). The women can fake orgasms for the entire scene, but there’s not really a visual aspect, aside from exaggerated facial expressions until the man blows his load. There are other options, but I don’t think it’s hard to see why facials are just the most popular and common finisher.

But what about in real life? Or with erotica? When I read about the act, I think about how a bukkake would be fun to try, but for the most part, I’m thinking about how my past facials have been sorta gross, messy, and how I was just trying to keep it out of my eyes and hair.

My husband is on the same page as me. He likes them fine, but it doesn’t feel any better for him and since I’m not super into them, he says it makes him prefer to finish some other way.

Anyway, I just wonder if facials would even be a thing people tried if it weren’t for porn.

But if you want a story about a Domme that would never take a facial, be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom.

Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works

Otherwise, my stories about one woman taking more than one man at a time may be more your speed.

Erotica sex

Cuckold Defined

I have been seeing a TON of posts on Twitter from everybody under the sun saying what a cuckold “is” and “isn’t”. I’m here to tell you that most of …

Cuckold Defined

I’ve never used the reblog function here… I hope I’m doing it right.

I appreciated this lengthy post on the term cuck and cuckolding. I frequently cringe when I use the terms, all due to the negative connotations people have added to the terms.

Please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:


Bridgerton, Masturbation, and the Portrayal of Female Pleasure

I came across this article about the show Bridgerton on Netflix and thought it was an interesting perspective.

The first thing I noticed was actually that the job of “Intimacy Director” is a real thing. I don’t know what you have to do to obtain that job, but I want in. I can absolutely direct more realistic scenarios in the bedroom. First of all, sex doesn’t just end in a loud yell from both people before they immediately roll over, sweaty and out of breath. And guys aren’t erect immediately upon the initiation of sex. Fifteen seconds after the wang makes an appearance and he’s still soft? That doesn’t mean sex is impossible.

But anyway, that was a tangent.

I haven’t seen the show, but I’ll have to check it out. The point of the above article was how the female masturbation scene was done in a realistic way, unlike how tv/movies have historically portrayed it. Namely, the woman wasn’t stripping completely naked and putting on a show for the enjoyment of the male viewers.

Which certainly is something different. Plus, the sex scenes were viewed through the lens of a woman. The scenes weren’t shot with a focus on displaying the female form, but on highlighting the female experience.

I have to admit, the explanation of how the portrayal of sex was unique wasn’t what I was expecting, but I found it informative all the same. I had been expecting an article about the acceptance of portrayals of women enjoying, or at least experimenting with, sex.

And (again, without seeing the show yet) it sounds like that could have been discussed as well. The article references American Pie, and even before I read past the headline, I was already thinking about American Pie and But I’m a Cheerleader. Both films came out in 1999, and while American Pie was far raunchier and had sex scenes and scenes of male masturbation, But I’m a Cheerleader was the one that nearly received an NC-17 rating.

It’s offense? There was a reference to a woman receiving oral sex and there was a scene where a fully-clothed woman masturbates.

Compare that to images of Jason Biggs‘ bare ass as he fucks a pie and get back to me on the rationale on that one.

Anyway, I’ll have to check out Bridgerton. If nothing else, I always enjoy seeing the evolution of the portrayals of sexuality. At least topical, fully-clothed masturbation now passes muster.


Perhaps Technology Should be Left Out of Some Things

I came across this article and thought it was too good not to share. And by too good, I mean what a nightmare.

Apparently hackers took control of a cock cage that can be controlled by a partner via the internet and tried to extort money in exchange for penile freedom.

I’m all for sexual exploration and femdom of a willing partner, but this is a good reminder to be careful. I would never trust something like this in the first place, and I certainly won’t now. I can’t imagine having a stranger control a chastity device.

Yeesh. Some things really don’t need to be online.

But if cock cages, submissive men, and dominant women turn you on, please be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, which is my first BDSM/femdom work.

Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works
Erotica sex Swinging Uncategorized

Does Having a Threesome With Your Partner Obligate You to Have Another?

Specifically, if you have a threesome with two women and a man (FMF), are you now obligated to have a threesome with two men and a woman (MFM)?

To me, the answer is an obvious “no,” but I’ve seen quite a few people and sites say otherwise. In order to be “equal,” you have to do both kinds of threesomes “for” your partner. I can’t find it anymore, but I remember hearing Channing Tatum talk about it years ago, saying something along the lines of, “well, yeah, a threesome with two women is great, but remember, you have to give her a threesome with two guys afterwards, so be ready for that.”

I think that view is absolutely bonkers. No wonder so many people have failed threesome attempts. If this is how you understand the dynamics of group sex to be, you really aren’t cut out for it, in my opinion. There are just so many problems with viewing sex through that kind of prism that it can be difficult to even begin addressing how wrong it is. I’ll take a crack at it, though.

First, threesomes and any other kind of swinging as a couple has to be something that both partners want to do. If one partner really doesn’t want to add a third person – even if I think they should be open to trying it out to see how fun it can be – they shouldn’t. And their partner should respect that. It doesn’t mean they can’t explore it again in the future, but you can’t get involved if one person isn’t interested.

Second, and related, is that you aren’t having a threesome “for” your partner. Your having a threesome with your partner as part of a mutual desire to have one. If a couple has an FMF threesome, it should be because both the man and the woman wanted to add another woman to the mix. Neither one should be able to say sometime in the future that their partner owes them an MFM because they did FMF “for” the other. No, you did FMF because you both wanted to. Neither of them gets to say that they had a threesome for the other because they both wanted it. Even if one of them had a greater interest in FMF than the other. And, of course, the inverse is true – just interchange FMF for MFM.

Third, if the above isn’t the case and one person was only having a threesome in order to use that as leverage over the other, that’s really shitty. I mean, really, really shitty. That’s sexual coercion and isn’t fair to your partner. If my husband had only been having MFMs with me in order to make me feel obligated to give him an FMF, I would have felt entirely violated, even if I did want to have an FMF with him.

Fourth, viewing sexual relationships and bringing extra partners into bed with you as being so tit-for-tat is an extremely and overly simplistic way to view equality. If you have FMF you have to have MFM, or vice versa, is a child-like way to think about equality in the complex relationships that adults have. It just doesn’t compare to “Well, Jane had a turn with Toy A, so now John gets a turn with Toy A” like we tell our toddlers when they argue.

But, if you want to check out some of my works where the couples are happily having threesomes and foursomes, please check out the below:

sex Swinging

Is the Leadup the Best Part of Swinging?

For me, the leadup to swinging can absolutely be the best part about the entire experience. That isn’t always the case, especially when it’s with a guy I’ve been with a bunch of times before and there hasn’t been a very long break between threesomes (or whatever we’re doing). But more often than not, the leadup is my favorite part.

I’ll use the first time my husband and I had me sleep with another guy as an example. We had been talking about it for a long time, but we just hadn’t gone through with it. That didn’t mean I had stopped thinking about it, though. I hadn’t. In fact, I had been fantasizing about sharing that experience with him from before we had even started talking about it.

But when we decided to go through with it, I took my time, searching for the right guy, flirting with prospective partners. It was fun to be on the dating scene again and to see men want me. I felt sexy and desirable and took that new energy back home with me.

I finally settled on one guy in particular that seemed promising. He was my age, attractive, and easy to get along with. We flirted via e-mail and text for a long time and there never really seemed to be a lull in the conversation. Eventually, I got drinks with him just to feel out the waters and rule him out if he just didn’t seem to live up to expectations.

But he did live up to expectations. I didn’t do anything with him that night and just left it as a good first date of sorts that had followed a lot of fun, flirty conversation. My husband (then boyfriend) and I talked a lot about what we each wanted me to do with this new guy, what I liked about him, and what I was most excited about. It was really freeing to be able to be sexually attracted to another man and to not only be able to tell my husband about it, but to be able to really discuss it with him. It was so much fun – he had even checked out guys with me before that to help me find someone that we thought would work.

Sometime after that first date, I was out with some friends on a girls’ night when this other guy texted me to see if I was interested in going over to his place. I was. I really was. I had been regretting not taking things farther at our first real date, but I was still making sure my husband was okay with everything.

So, I called my husband when I left the bar and told him that this other guy asked if I wanted to come over. I didn’t say he asked me to come over to his place for sex, but I didn’t need to. We all knew that was what he meant.

I was so nervous to make that call, but extremely excited. At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure how he would respond. He wanted me to have sex with this guy and come home to him afterwards, bringing sloppy seconds with me. See my earlier post about sloppy seconds. I had never had that request before and didn’t quite understand the appeal.

But he seemed as enthused as I did and quickly told me to go ahead and head over to this guy’s place. So I did.

His place was really nice. Downtown, loft, great building. I was so excited to be there that I could have skipped all foreplay. In a lot of ways, it felt like a one-night stand, but the buildup to the event made it so much bigger. And better.

I don’t really remember much of what happened at the beginning. He gave me a tour and we hung out in his place, just letting the sexual tension hang in the air. Eventually, we started kissing and the clothes came off.

All was great up to this point. Of course. Now that we had reached the climax, so to speak. I was dripping wet and couldn’t wait to fulfill one of my husband’s biggest desires, but my new friend was… not so up to the task.

I chalked it up to nerves and used my hands to try to get him hard. No go.

Okay, I thought. I wasn’t expecting this, particularly from a 23-year-old guy, but I figured it was nothing we couldn’t work through. I pushed him back so he was on the couch and got to my knees, taking his cock in my mouth. I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick picture (husband’s request) and kept sucking on him to get him hard.

It’s not like I had never sucked on my husband to get him hard before, but I don’t think it ever took more than thirty seconds or so. Three minutes in and I still have a limp noodle in my mouth. By five minutes or so, he finally gets (mostly) hard.

He puts my on the couch and gets on top of me, trying to enter me missionary style. Already, he had started to go soft and he struggled to even get inside of me. He finally does, but it doesn’t do all that much for me. He definitely lied when he said he was better hung than my husband, but was semi-hard when he entered and went fully-soft again while inside.

He suggested that we go to his bedroom and try a different position. I agree. I figure that it can’t really get any worse. I dropped to my knees and started giving him a blowjob again. Perhaps seeing me on my knees would help get him hard? Maybe he liked the more subservient-looking partner and just hadn’t told me?

Whether that was it or not, he did get hard pretty quickly and put a new condom on. He said he wanted me to ride him, cowgirl style, since that was his favorite position.

I obliged and slid him in without hesitating. I didn’t want to risk him going soft again and it looked like he was already on his way just from the time it took to put on the condom.

Sex in that position lasted all of about 40 seconds before he blew his load. No apologies for being so short. No attempt to go down on me to get me off. Nothing of the sort and I leave, pretty unfulfilled.

To top it off, my husband is horny AF when I get home. I was nervous to tell him about everything, but I did. He was as disappointed as I was that the sex was so disappointing, but still incredibly turned on by hearing about me describe going through with everything and seeing the one picture I took. He laid me on my back and went down on me, telling me that he could smell the condom on me and that it looked like I had sex. We did missionary and then cowgirl, just to match the other guy.

However, he was so horny that he lasted all of about three minutes with me on top of him, pushing me off his dick and cumming all over my lower back. Which never happens with him. Never. He had better self-control when I didn’t let him cum for the entire month of November.

So, I had fucked two men in the course of about 30 minutes and made both of them cum, but hadn’t gotten close myself at all. To be fair to my husband, that hasn’t happened since, and – like a gentlemen – he flipped me over and used his tongue to give me a well-deserved orgasm.

I mean, I’m happy I did it and everything. The process of finding a guy and flirting, teasing (both the new guy and my husband) was a lot of fun, and I feel like it really brought my husband and I together in a lot of ways. But the actual hotwifing portion? Not so good. Not so good at all.

Even when I’ve had great sex with new guys, I still usually prefer the flirting and the foreplay and everything that comes before the sex over the actual sex.

I’d love to hear other’s thoughts and experiences.

And, as always, please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:

Erotica sex Swinging

Would this be a good punishment?

My husband and I are still going strong on No Nut November. He passed the halfway mark – and then some since I made him start a day early.

But I’m struggling a little to think of ways to tease him, outside of what we’ve been doing. He’s been getting me off regularly, massaging me, serving me, etc., and I bring him close to cumming every day before forcing him to hold off. 

What I was thinking was maybe it would be a good torture move to bring him to a strip club – but without his glasses or contacts. I can see other men, but he can’t see other women… but his vision is so terrible it’s almost funny. Even though he would know naked women were just feet away, he still wouldn’t even really see them. The strippers may as well be wearing parkas and would merely look like moving fuzzy blobs. 

If harsher punishment and femdom is more your speed, please be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, which is my first BDSM/femdom work.

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Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works

How Slippery is the Slope?

My husband and I were talking about the slippery slope that may (or may not) exist in the sex industry. Specifically, how big of a leap is it for a stripper to go from giving lap dances to giving blowjobs for money? 

My husband said that he thinks that – for the stripper – the jump isn’t all that big. Working in a job where you’re naked or nearly naked all the time and rubbing against strange guys for cash desensitizes the dancers so much that the vast majority of them would view giving a blowjob (or more) as being just a baby step beyond giving a lap dance. 

On the one hand, let’s just acknowledge right off the bat that everyone has a price, whether they want to readily admit or not. Most of us don’t know what our price is, exactly, and we’ll never experience having someone offer us an absurd amount of money for some sexual act, but I have no doubt that if a random guy offered my husband five million dollars for a blowjob, my hubby would have the highest paid fifteen minutes of his life. And the same could be said for virtually everyone else in the world, give or take a few million bucks.

But that doesn’t mean I think it’s a small step for a stripper to become a prostitute; I think that blowing the customers is the rare exception, rather than any kind of norm. It definitely happens, but I would guess it’s a very small percentage of the time. I think it’s still a pretty big move to go from giving a lap dance to a fully clothed stranger to demonstrating your deepthroat skills to him. 

Pornstars, on the other hand, are a different story to me. When I think about it, if a woman is already comfortable with having sex with a guy on camera in a room full of people (primarily men), all of whom are in close proximity to her to begin with, I feel that having sex with two men is barely any different. Unless it’s going to include double penetration (and even then, it depends on what she was doing with just the one guy), the things she would do with two guys is really similar to what she was already doing with one and she’s still doing it on camera and in front of the same number of other people. 

But strippers? I think that’s a different story. Maybe it differs between a strip club versus a stripper that would come to a private house/party. Most places (at least in the U.S.) don’t have male strip clubs, but parties where women have hired male strippers have a reputation for getting far, far raunchier than any guys’ night out at a strip club. But male or female, regulations outside of an established business are naturally going to be harder to enforce, so I suppose that a lot of the private party strippers who do want to get paid for… extracurriculars… may gravitate to that more private venue because it’s what they wanted in the first place.

I still think that stripping and engaging in prostitution are very different situations, though. Obviously, there’s some crossover, but just think that a lot of women who are okay with being a prostitute will also strip if they’re attractive enough, both to have a cover for legitimate income and to meet prospective customers. 

Just my two cents. What do others think?

And as always, please be sure to check out my published works.

Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works