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Does Having a Threesome With Your Partner Obligate You to Have Another?

Specifically, if you have a threesome with two women and a man (FMF), are you now obligated to have a threesome with two men and a woman (MFM)?

To me, the answer is an obvious “no,” but I’ve seen quite a few people and sites say otherwise. In order to be “equal,” you have to do both kinds of threesomes “for” your partner. I can’t find it anymore, but I remember hearing Channing Tatum talk about it years ago, saying something along the lines of, “well, yeah, a threesome with two women is great, but remember, you have to give her a threesome with two guys afterwards, so be ready for that.”

I think that view is absolutely bonkers. No wonder so many people have failed threesome attempts. If this is how you understand the dynamics of group sex to be, you really aren’t cut out for it, in my opinion. There are just so many problems with viewing sex through that kind of prism that it can be difficult to even begin addressing how wrong it is. I’ll take a crack at it, though.

First, threesomes and any other kind of swinging as a couple has to be something that both partners want to do. If one partner really doesn’t want to add a third person – even if I think they should be open to trying it out to see how fun it can be – they shouldn’t. And their partner should respect that. It doesn’t mean they can’t explore it again in the future, but you can’t get involved if one person isn’t interested.

Second, and related, is that you aren’t having a threesome “for” your partner. Your having a threesome with your partner as part of a mutual desire to have one. If a couple has an FMF threesome, it should be because both the man and the woman wanted to add another woman to the mix. Neither one should be able to say sometime in the future that their partner owes them an MFM because they did FMF “for” the other. No, you did FMF because you both wanted to. Neither of them gets to say that they had a threesome for the other because they both wanted it. Even if one of them had a greater interest in FMF than the other. And, of course, the inverse is true – just interchange FMF for MFM.

Third, if the above isn’t the case and one person was only having a threesome in order to use that as leverage over the other, that’s really shitty. I mean, really, really shitty. That’s sexual coercion and isn’t fair to your partner. If my husband had only been having MFMs with me in order to make me feel obligated to give him an FMF, I would have felt entirely violated, even if I did want to have an FMF with him.

Fourth, viewing sexual relationships and bringing extra partners into bed with you as being so tit-for-tat is an extremely and overly simplistic way to view equality. If you have FMF you have to have MFM, or vice versa, is a child-like way to think about equality in the complex relationships that adults have. It just doesn’t compare to “Well, Jane had a turn with Toy A, so now John gets a turn with Toy A” like we tell our toddlers when they argue.

But, if you want to check out some of my works where the couples are happily having threesomes and foursomes, please check out the below:

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sex Swinging

Double Barrel Blowjobs

Is it primarily only bisexual guys who are into them? Or are most men who are into MFMs and MMFMs also turned on by double barrel blowjobs?

If you aren’t familiar with what they are, urban dictionary can always help. But basically, it’s when a woman not only gives a blowjob to two guys at the same time, but puts both dicks in her mouth at the same time so they’re like a double barrel shotgun on their way into her mouth.

My husband likes them and I always have thought that threesomes work best when the guys aren’t afraid of each other, so I’m happy to oblige. I’ve seen the term “heteroflexible” before and since the guys necessarily have to touch for a double barrel BJ, I figure they have to be at least a little bit heteroflexible to enjoy this one.

My husband is straight and isn’t interested in doing anything with another guy without me in the middle or in touching the other guy unless it’s a part of getting inside of me, but I’ve always wondered where most guys fall with this sort of thing. Societal expectations are that women are heteroflexible, at a minimum, and preferably bisexual, but that really doesn’t seem to extend to men.

Not that labels matter. If you’re new to MFMs, you should definitely be discussing what you’re all comfortable with. No one wants an awkward moment where someone is freaking out because an unknown line was crossed.

And if you’re into double barrel blowjobs, maybe you’ll find my On His Orders series your cup of tea. There is plenty of double barrel action inside:

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Erotica sex Swinging

Planned or Organic Threesomes?

It seems that you always hear about threesomes that someone else has had that just happened naturally. Three people or a couple and another person meet at a party and really hit it off. Or three close friends who hang out all the time. No planning. No discussing beforehand. Just feeling the mood and the moment and retiring to a bedroom to get it on.

Does that really happen for people? Because my husband and I have both had more than our fair of threesomes, but we’ve never experienced a spontaneous group hookup.

Perhaps we’re too cautious, but it just seems like too much could go wrong. Even with planning and discussing before some of our experiences, we’ve had people “forget” about certain boundaries that had been set. I have to imagine that the chances of crossing a line is much more likely if there are multiple people and that line isn’t entirely clear.

It’s fun to fantasize about, though. I would love to casually hang out with a couple of guys and have it spontaneously turn into an “all hands on deck to please Alicia” kind of a night that goes off without a hitch.

Part of it is probably that I don’t think I’d ever want to try something like that with someone I already know. I know that’s what some people prefer, but I just worry too much that they wouldn’t be into it and it would be weird that we brought it up. Or that they were into it, but things still got weird afterwards.

The only time I’ve even seen a completely random threesome take off was one time at a frat party in college. Which is completely stereotypical, so I don’t know. Maybe there is something to the depiction in TV and movies. But I went there with a friend of mine, two girls I didn’t know, and two guys that were acquaintances. The two girls were absolutely hammered by the time we even got in the car to go. We only had room for five people in the car, but one of the drunk girls laid across three of us in the backseat.

After talking about how her boyfriend was in the military overseas, she told us that he just wanted her to be happy, so she could have sex with as many people as she wanted. The guy friend of mine who was driving asked her if he actually told her it was okay for her to screw other people, or if she was just assuming. She told us it was neither – she just knew it was true. Then she offered my other guy friend a blowjob for the rest of the drive since her head was already in his lap.

Anyway, the party was gross – most of it in a small basement with concrete walls while dudes tried to fingerbang any girl with a pulse. But not terribly long before I left, I watched as the two drunk girls made out with the same guy at the same time on the dance floor before going up to his room.

So, I mean, I know it happens. It just hasn’t been my experience.

And if threesomes are your thing, please make sure you check out my threesome books: