What kind of rules should be in place you start to swing?
I see this question a lot when couples are looking at starting to open up their relationship and bring others into the bedroom with them. And boy, wouldn’t it make things simple if there was just an easy, ready-to-go set of rules that applied equally well to every couple?
But the reality is that the set of rules is going to be different for each couple and will depend on what they’re comfortable with or what their particular interests are. It’s a personal question that only those in the couple are going to be able to answer for themselves.
And you absolutely, 100% have to give full effect to what your partner wants. Even if you have prior swinging experience and know what worked for you in an earlier relationship, a different partner means it’s a whole new ball game. Things might have changed for you, too, now that you’re older and are in a different point of your life. What you wanted/did want five years ago may not be the same now.
Ultimately, you both will need to figure out what you want to get out of the experience and what’s off-limits. Will you bring in men/women/couples and will you both play or will one watch/wait at home? Are you looking just for sex with other people, or are you going to start thinking about toeing that line with poly? You also need to agree on where to find a partner, how frequently you would want to swing, safety precautions, and anything else either of you are concerned about.
Basically, the rules can be and should be whatever you both agree to, don’t do anything that isn’t okay with your partner, and make sure you are always clearly communicating with one another. The more you talk about what you want to do/don’t want to do beforehand, the better you’ll understand each other going in. And that conversation should be ongoing. Feelings can change and each you can learn more about what you like or dislike.
For most people, it’s nothing like porn. A husband doesn’t just come home and find his wife having sex with a stranger, shrug his shoulders, and promptly get naked and DP her. And a wife doesn’t listen to her husband perv on the kid’s babysitter and go “Oh, that’s so cute! I’m going to sit on her face while he plows her!”
But anyway.
As always, please check out my hotwifing/cuckolding/multi-partner works.
And if BDSM/femdom is more your thing, please check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom.
Alicia Stills Author: Erotica and Fantasy 
One reply on “Rules of Swinging”
Thank You Alicia for all your good writing. You offer great help to couples. My wife feels so empowered and validated as she reads your work. And likewise, you provide great help to so many women. You give their desires and needs, a voice. And you provide women a way to greatly improve their standing on many issues, including issues of intimacy.
We are a married couple without children. My wife (she would like me to use the name Beth) is intelligent and beautiful, inside and outside. Beth is about 40. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone, and I mean this literally.
I am a cuckold. With the help of input from Beth’s girlfriend, whom she met in college, there came a point in time when we mutually agreed to this. More recently my wife, and her female friend, have discovered your writings. And what you offer, has helped our marriage greatly (and the marriage of her friend). It has allowed Beth to better understand her sexuality, including her intimate sexual needs. And being inside this dynamic, now with your assistance, has allowed my wife to explore with more of a good sense of entitlement. And it provides me an outlet to demonstrate my loyalty towards my wife. This individual, who is mentioned above as her friend, told my wife about how she (her girlfriend), actually cuckolds her husband. My wife and I, had ourselves discussed Beth being with another man, previous to her girlfriend mentioning it to my wife. Our initial discussion about cuckolding happened when we were discussing fantasies. I always had an interest in this from the perspective of my feeling submissive to Beth, and prior to meeting her, I had this type of submissive feeling in terms of other women with whom I had been involved with, before I ever dated Beth. My wife at first rejected the cuckold concept, although she did like the dominant aspect. I have never desired to be with another woman, since my second date with my wife, although this may sound rather self-serving, it is absolutely a fact.
By the time Beth’s girlfriend had shared her cuckolding experience with Beth, we had already discussed what I lacked sexually. And we had already discussed cuckolding. However, I did not want to push this issue, and just backed off; although, I did feel that cuckolding me would help her sexually. Before meeting Beth, I had encountered this dynamic and had worked thru the jealousy and other issues which faced a cuckold. And because of my prior experience, I felt it would help Beth to better establish her feelings of dominance, in terms of our marriage. And I wanted Beth to
be better satisfied sexually.
Before we began with cuckolding, we had sessions with a female therapist. Beth wanted this and of course I agreed. We discussed issues like Beth’s dissatisfaction of having intercourse with me. And whether she and her lover could kiss. To be blunt, I have a below average size penis. It is about 4.4 inches when I have an erection (but recently less). And I have issues maintaining my erection (even with Viagra). Before our therapist visits together, I had not told Beth that I had already had experienced being a cuckold. However, during a particular visit I did explain this.
Our first experience was while we were away. My wife likes men younger than she (and me), like in their early to mid 20’s. And we met a 22 year old who had the looks that Beth was highly attracted to, and a personality that she really liked. He was muscular, blue eyed, 5’9”; and speaking with him, it was learned that he was well endowed (which was true). He was polite and also well mannered, considering his age. He had dirty blonde hair, and this too attracted her. He was a package she really liked. Steve came to our hotel room. We agreed (Beth and I), that he would leave no later than 4 hours after he arrived. But he stayed the entire night and the next day as well. I watched, but also left for three hours, so they could have some private time. I was very jealous, from their very first kiss (at first as they we making out, I had tears in my eyes, but was able to deal with it). And, I felt incredibly envious of Steve. Beth really enjoyed their lovemaking. She climaxed several times. She really needed better sex than was happening between she and I, and this was a great start. After Steve left, we engaged in “aftercare”, which was something that really help both of us. Before we left for home, Beth and Steve were again together.
Cuckolding has made us closer and closer. It has helped us so much. Beth and her girlfriend have read lots from you. And we cannot thank you enough.
If you would like to know more, please let me know. We appreciate you Alicia!
Thank You,
Justin
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