So you want to swing, but you aren’t sure if your partner feels the same. It can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up with your partner the first time. Something to induce the nerves, at least.
Even if you’re pretty sure that your partner has the same interests as you, putting it out there can make you question just how sure you are that you’re right. And if you have no idea? It’s enough to make you squirm. Even if a desire to swing is extremely common, no one wants to make their partner worry that you think they’re inadequate.
And therein lies one of the most common questions. Who is the first one to bring up hotwifing or cuckolding, or just swinging in general? The man or the woman? I’m focusing on M/F couples, predominantly straight here. The dynamics can change quite a bit with same sex couples.
In my experience, it’s the man that brings up a hotwife or cuckold fantasy first, and I know that I’m not alone on that. In fact, I had to really dig to find examples of women online who were the first to bring the subject up, at least successfully.
There could be many reasons for that, but really, I think most men feel threatened by that kind of request from the woman they’re seeing, even if it is a turn on for them. It can feel emasculating and threatening, but not in the good, exciting way. After all, if a man wants a hotwife because he gets off on the degradation aspect, it’s a contrived degradation. It’s just all a part of role play that’s part of being in what’s seen as a safe and secure relationship.
And it’s hard to blame them for that, really. It’s only natural to feel like a woman would only be asking for permission to screw other men because she sees her partner as inadequate. That’s likely not the case, but it’s a completely normal thought.
No, almost all of the articles and accounts I’ve seen involve the man broaching the topic first. At least when it’s been successful. And it’s usually taken a little bit of persuasion before the woman comes around.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple where the woman is a hotwife where she was the one to bring it up, either. I did know a woman in college who brought it up to her boyfriend. It didn’t go well, even though he was into it. He thought she was just cheating and eyeing a threesome with a guy she was seeing on the side and didn’t take to her suggestion well.
It didn’t help that he was right, even if his being right didn’t affect his initial reaction.
Does anyone have a different experience where the woman brought it up first with success?
It just seems that there is so much misunderstanding about wifesharing, hotwifing, cuckolding, etc., that adding in extra insecurities when the woman brings it up first makes it that much more difficult.
As always, please check out my hotwifing/cuckolding works. The On His Orders series is racy; Hooky is on the tamer side. Enjoy!