It’s a question I’ve seen many times, mostly by two groups of people. The first of which is men – particularly straight men – who are trying to understand why they are turned on by the thought of their partner having sex with another man or men. A lot of the time, they seem to be worried that they aren’t “normal,” even though they can’t quite figure out what they think it is that would be wrong with them. Hint: Nothing is.
The second group is women who are shocked by their husband or boyfriend bringing this fantasy up to them. Women who bring up cuckolding or hotwifing (which has a lot of similarities to cuckolding, but generally considers a more equal power dynamic, whereas that isn’t always the case with cuckolding. I could split more hairs here, but won’t.) first to their partner don’t have that same type of surprise. The women who question why men enjoy being cuckolded usually struggle with understanding why a man wants to be (in their view) cheated on, particularly when they don’t see what the men get in return. Almost always, however, it is the man who wants to be cucked that brings it up first.
I think it’s a very complicated and complex question that has many different answers. It’s one of the most common fantasies amongst both men and women and has been steadily gaining in popularity for years, despite being something that flies in the face of what societal norms dictate relationships should look like. Societal norms say that monogamy is the accepted standard. Men need to be “real men” who take “what’s theirs,” not weak and ineffectual men that can’t keep women from falling into the arms of other men. Men are supposed to be intensely jealous if their partner even looks towards another man and women are somehow devalued if they would even think about having more than one sexual partner. They should be ridiculed as a whore, slut, tramp, or whatever other derogatory term for a woman comes to mind. Nevermind that the appeal for women is simple here: women enjoy sex just as much as men. No one questions why men would want to sleep with two women; there’s similarly no real reason to question why women would want to sleep with two men.
Honestly, I could explore the question of why men want to be cuckolded and the many different avenues it goes down for hours and hours. I won’t, because this is just a blog post. At least, I won’t go on about this for hours and hours in this singular blog post. I think the topic is fascinating and I’m sure I’ll revisit it many more times.
I’ll pull myself back on point before I start taking myself off on other tangents. Here is a completely non-exhaustive list of reasons why some men want to be cuckolded.
Yes, men like porn. Yes, yours too. No, your husband/boyfriend doesn’t really think that strippers are gross. He might think that the environment that exists at a strip club is gross, but he doesn’t seriously think that being surrounded by attractive women that get completely naked for his enjoyment (and money, of course) is gross.
Your partner also really enjoys seeing you naked. If he doesn’t, there are other problems in the relationship. Being cuckolded gives a man the opportunity to not only witness live porn, but to see the partner he loves be that fantasy pornstar. For a lot of men this is a live show that’s better than any scene on a computer screen or any 20-year-old spinning around on a pole.
HEARING ABOUT IT
Any woman who has had a guy ask her to tell him about previous sex while they were having sex may relate here.
Some men may not want to watch you with other men, at least not every time. Some would rather get off on hearing about the sexual encounter later. If they’re hearing you describe it, rather than watching everything unfold, they’re able to craft a picture of what happened in their mind. For some, this can be better than watching because the scene and imagery they create plays out more perfectly than reality. I, for one, have had some pretty disappointing sex without my husband present, but it didn’t diminish things for him much, if at all. He was still able to create an image of me and the other guys romping through the bedroom like a couple of sexual Adonis’.
Still others just want to know that their partner had sex with another guy, but don’t want all the details. The suspense of not knowing exactly what happened enhances things for them and still allows them to create the entire image. I had sex with a guy once and only showed my husband that there was a used condom in the trash. The only other thing I said about it was that I had fun night. It drove him wild!
VIEW YOUR PARTNER AS A SEXUAL OBJECT
I’ve brought this one up before and the initial reaction from a lot of people is one of confusion. However, I think this is a very real reason for a lot of men to want to be cucked, particularly as the relationship grows and gets older. It certainly applies to my husband.
At the beginning, a lot of relationships are about that spark and sexual chemistry. You’re in the honeymoon phase and sex is right at the forefront of nearly everything you do together. Even when you’re out and about doing purely non-sexual things, at the back of both of your minds is the desire to get naked together again.
And that starts to fade over time. You don’t love each other any less, but your roles within each other’s lives expand. She becomes someone you bring to family events. You discuss finances and other long-term plans. She becomes a wife and a mother, a career-focused woman, or any other number of things that intelligent and highly complex people are apt to do. And her existence as a sexual person is still there, but it’s taken a less prominent role.
But in cuckolding, you’re reconnecting to that purely carnal part of both of you and you get to see her in a light that’s nothing but sexual. All of the outside noise and distractions can take a back seat, because while you cuckold, everything is about pleasure. With everything else she is, while watching her orgasm on top of another guy, she is only a sexual person.
Not that you have to wait a long time and have your relationship develop over the course of years for this to apply. Even when you’re in a pretty new relationship, cuckolding places her in a position of being seen in purely sexual terms, which, for a lot of people, is incredibly exciting in any context.
THE THRILL OF THE TABOO
As noted above, societal norms and expectations demand that people act in a certain way. But for a lot of people, it’s a lot of fun to break those norms. They don’t want to feel constrained by these expectations and feel excited by doing something they “aren’t supposed to do.”
It can be a little exciting to do something that is supposed to be wrong and dirty. At least this kind of wrong and dirty is done with the full knowledge and approval of your partner, yet still wrong and dirty enough that you probably won’t tell your neighbors that you fucked your bull while your husband waited patiently for his turn.
Very closely related to the above, the role reversal can be a lot of fun. Men are supposed to be the ones that desire multiple sexual partners, not women. It’s sort of like the male CEO of a company wanting to have a dominatrix control him all evening. The quiet, polite librarian that wants to whip her partner before having loud, headboard-banging sex.
This embrace of female empowerment and male submission can be exciting for a lot of men.
Compersion is a real thing and occurs where someone experiences happiness from witnessing someone else’s enjoyment of something. More specifically, it’s a type of vicarious pleasure experienced from watching your partner have good sex with someone else. As it is put here:
“Loving someone essentially involves a desire for the beloved’s happiness. Too often, we add a rider, But only provided that I am the one to cause it!”
That author goes on to point out that this can be more of an indicator of possessiveness than love.
Essentially, your partner may just enjoy seeing you cum so much that seeing you cum from someone else has a high level of appeal.
FEMALE SEXUAL FULFILLMENT
Related to compersion, many women have a significantly higher sexual capacity than their partners. They can have many, many more orgasms and don’t have nearly as lengthy refractory periods. For many, sex with a single man is never long enough and they finish an encounter wanting more.
Men who have that sort of partner may want to see her needs get fulfilled in ways that they can’t manage on their own. They also may be living vicariously through their partner and experiencing this higher level of sexual capacity that they can’t experience. I love my husband and he’s great in bed, but he couldn’t really please three women by himself at once. But he can live vicariously through me and experience that kind of sex when I’m with three guys at once.
JEALOUSY AS AN APHRODISIAC
While not universal, jealousy can be an especially potent aphrodisiac. I remember the first time I had a threesome with a guy I was dating, the first time I had sex while a boyfriend just watched, and the first threesome I had with my husband. After each one, I asked them: “Doesn’t that make you jealous?”
I couldn’t believe that seeing me with another guy didn’t make them feel like they were going to go crazy with jealousy. Do you know what all of them told me? “Yes.”
Yes, it did make them jealous. But no, it didn’t make them feel like they were going to go crazy with jealousy. At least not in a bad way. They liked feeling jealous. My husband has always put it as though jealousy from seeing me with other guys is always there, at least a little bit. But rather than making him angry and feeling like he wants to punch something, he says mixing jealousy with his horniness is like pouring gasoline on fire. It just makes him hornier and want me even more.
This article isn’t specifically about swinging or cuckolding, but it revolves around how jealousy within a relationship is a good thing. Seeing your partner with other people can make people “remember: Oh, yeah. Other people think my partner is hot. I think my partner is hot, too. I’d better start showing it.” One of the experts interviewed there noted that jealousy can cause someone to pay much more attention to their own partner.
Many people treat jealousy as being a bad thing, when really, it’s only certain reactions to jealousy that are bad. Others interviewed in the above article discussed the same concept (although again, not actual cuckolding). “[O]f course you want [my partner]. But guess what, [she’s] mine.” Cuckolding is just taking this another step. Of course you want her, sexually. But guess what, after I watch her get what we want from you, she’s still mine.
SHARING AS A SOURCE OF PRIDE
Some men want to share their partner because they’re proud to have her. Some men share pictures of their wives and girlfriends online or to their friends because they want people to see how hot she is and be envious of him. Some men want their partner to dress revealing when they go out so others can see what they don’t have.
Cuckolding takes this a little bit further. And it isn’t a case of the man being cheated on, because he isn’t. And it isn’t a matter of being too weak or too inadequate to take care of her needs (even if those things are said because of a desire to be humiliated). Rather, the cuckold is completely in control because he has the power to share “his” woman.
I know there are women who really don’t want this to be the case, even if I don’t think it should matter, but it’s also possible that the guy is exploring some bisexual tendencies or curiosity. For some guys, if they want to explore bicuriosity, fooling around with another guy may be too intimidating, but being around a naked man while he’s having sex with a woman or going down on a woman seconds after another man has been inside of her is not.
Also, the guy just might want to explore the “M” in BDSM. Some people are turned on by masochism, which would include humiliation. Creating a scene, even if entirely contrived, wherein the cuck is playing the role of the guy too pathetic to fuck his woman right and is forced to watch a bigger, better, stronger man give her what she needs can be all the humiliation he’s looking for. Playing off the societal norms and expectations above, little more is more degrading than being forced to watch your partner please and be pleased by other men.
I know there are more reasons than what’s listed above and the nuances to every situation and reason can go on and on. And obviously, every person/couple that wants to explore cuckolding has their own reasons, which can be very personal to them. But with that said, in my experience, the above list provide some of the most common reasons for guys to enjoy being cucked.
Personally, I love that cuckolding and hotwifing are becoming more and more common, so whatever your reasons are for wanting to try it, I hope you talk it through with your partner and are able to make it a reality.