Tag: FMF

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Erotica sex Swinging Uncategorized

Does Having a Threesome With Your Partner Obligate You to Have Another?

Specifically, if you have a threesome with two women and a man (FMF), are you now obligated to have a threesome with two men and a woman (MFM)?

To me, the answer is an obvious “no,” but I’ve seen quite a few people and sites say otherwise. In order to be “equal,” you have to do both kinds of threesomes “for” your partner. I can’t find it anymore, but I remember hearing Channing Tatum talk about it years ago, saying something along the lines of, “well, yeah, a threesome with two women is great, but remember, you have to give her a threesome with two guys afterwards, so be ready for that.”

I think that view is absolutely bonkers. No wonder so many people have failed threesome attempts. If this is how you understand the dynamics of group sex to be, you really aren’t cut out for it, in my opinion. There are just so many problems with viewing sex through that kind of prism that it can be difficult to even begin addressing how wrong it is. I’ll take a crack at it, though.

First, threesomes and any other kind of swinging as a couple has to be something that both partners want to do. If one partner really doesn’t want to add a third person – even if I think they should be open to trying it out to see how fun it can be – they shouldn’t. And their partner should respect that. It doesn’t mean they can’t explore it again in the future, but you can’t get involved if one person isn’t interested.

Second, and related, is that you aren’t having a threesome “for” your partner. Your having a threesome with your partner as part of a mutual desire to have one. If a couple has an FMF threesome, it should be because both the man and the woman wanted to add another woman to the mix. Neither one should be able to say sometime in the future that their partner owes them an MFM because they did FMF “for” the other. No, you did FMF because you both wanted to. Neither of them gets to say that they had a threesome for the other because they both wanted it. Even if one of them had a greater interest in FMF than the other. And, of course, the inverse is true – just interchange FMF for MFM.

Third, if the above isn’t the case and one person was only having a threesome in order to use that as leverage over the other, that’s really shitty. I mean, really, really shitty. That’s sexual coercion and isn’t fair to your partner. If my husband had only been having MFMs with me in order to make me feel obligated to give him an FMF, I would have felt entirely violated, even if I did want to have an FMF with him.

Fourth, viewing sexual relationships and bringing extra partners into bed with you as being so tit-for-tat is an extremely and overly simplistic way to view equality. If you have FMF you have to have MFM, or vice versa, is a child-like way to think about equality in the complex relationships that adults have. It just doesn’t compare to “Well, Jane had a turn with Toy A, so now John gets a turn with Toy A” like we tell our toddlers when they argue.

But, if you want to check out some of my works where the couples are happily having threesomes and foursomes, please check out the below:

On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful and On His Orders: Entertaining Three. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works
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Erotica sex Swinging

Planned or Organic Threesomes?

It seems that you always hear about threesomes that someone else has had that just happened naturally. Three people or a couple and another person meet at a party and really hit it off. Or three close friends who hang out all the time. No planning. No discussing beforehand. Just feeling the mood and the moment and retiring to a bedroom to get it on.

Does that really happen for people? Because my husband and I have both had more than our fair of threesomes, but we’ve never experienced a spontaneous group hookup.

Perhaps we’re too cautious, but it just seems like too much could go wrong. Even with planning and discussing before some of our experiences, we’ve had people “forget” about certain boundaries that had been set. I have to imagine that the chances of crossing a line is much more likely if there are multiple people and that line isn’t entirely clear.

It’s fun to fantasize about, though. I would love to casually hang out with a couple of guys and have it spontaneously turn into an “all hands on deck to please Alicia” kind of a night that goes off without a hitch.

Part of it is probably that I don’t think I’d ever want to try something like that with someone I already know. I know that’s what some people prefer, but I just worry too much that they wouldn’t be into it and it would be weird that we brought it up. Or that they were into it, but things still got weird afterwards.

The only time I’ve even seen a completely random threesome take off was one time at a frat party in college. Which is completely stereotypical, so I don’t know. Maybe there is something to the depiction in TV and movies. But I went there with a friend of mine, two girls I didn’t know, and two guys that were acquaintances. The two girls were absolutely hammered by the time we even got in the car to go. We only had room for five people in the car, but one of the drunk girls laid across three of us in the backseat.

After talking about how her boyfriend was in the military overseas, she told us that he just wanted her to be happy, so she could have sex with as many people as she wanted. The guy friend of mine who was driving asked her if he actually told her it was okay for her to screw other people, or if she was just assuming. She told us it was neither – she just knew it was true. Then she offered my other guy friend a blowjob for the rest of the drive since her head was already in his lap.

Anyway, the party was gross – most of it in a small basement with concrete walls while dudes tried to fingerbang any girl with a pulse. But not terribly long before I left, I watched as the two drunk girls made out with the same guy at the same time on the dance floor before going up to his room.

So, I mean, I know it happens. It just hasn’t been my experience.

And if threesomes are your thing, please make sure you check out my threesome books:

On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful and On His Orders: Entertaining Three. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works
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General Swinging

Throuples Making Headway Into Mainstream?

HGTV

So it looks like HGTV broke some new ground by featuring a throuple on one of its most recent episodes of House Hunters. If you’re not familiar with the term, it’s a reference to a polyamorous trio. Instead of being two people involved in a committed relationship with one another, it’s three people in a committed relationship.

I think that throuples are not only getting more common, but individuals who are a part of a throuple are becoming more open about their relationship to outsiders. There is still a lot of judgment from much of the public, but there seems to be a greater range of acceptance for this lifestyle as well – I can’t imagine something like this being featured on a show as mainstream as House Hunters even as recently as ten years ago. People are slowly coming around to the idea that not everyone is cut out for or interested in a simple 1-to-1 monogamous relationship.

I say, “Good for them!” Both to HGTV for having the openness to feature this type of relationship and treat them like the normal people that they are, but also good for these three for being willing to have their relationship choices broadcast on national TV. While a lot of people will support them, there will certainly be a large (and sometimes vocal and vicious) group of people passing judgment on all three.

But seeing this also has me wondering if HGTV would have been willing to feature a throuple that involved two men and one woman? Like with threesomes, trios involving two women and one man seem to have gained broader acceptance, whereas there is a much greater stigma for trios composed of two men and one woman. Even as alternative lifestyles are gaining in popularity, something about two men with one woman still seems to be perceived as “more perverted” and less acceptable than two women with one man. There are precious few people who know that I not only can sleep with other men, but that my husband cheers me on when I do. The ones who do know weren’t openly accepting, either, even the ones who previously bragged about their FFM threesomes from their past.

Or maybe this was just the first good episode involving a throuple that came along. Who knows. Either way, I love that this episode happened. For more, check out HGTV for episode details.