Tag: Swingers

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sex Swinging

How Can a Woman Bring Up Hotwifing or Cuckolding Successfully?

In my last post, I wrote about how men are almost always the ones to bring up hotwifing and cuckolding desires to their partner. It would be great if it didn’t seem like that was always the case, but we don’t seem to be there yet.

Which brings up another good question: If you’re a woman and you want to be a hotwife, how can you bring that up to your husband or boyfriend? Can it even be done successfully?

Just because it doesn’t seem to happen successfully very often, that doesn’t mean that I think it can’t be done successfully. I just think that it presents new difficulties. Namely, you have to be able to do it in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel threatened. After all, it’s only natural for a man to worry he is inadequate once his partner brings up the idea of a relationship that is only open on her side.

I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on the matter, but I think I have enough experience to have a few decent ideas. Let me know your thoughts, or, if you’re a woman, how you’ve had success in the past.

Take It Slow

I think the biggest thing to avoid doing is to just sit your husband down and bluntly come right out and say that you want to be a hotwife. I know, I know – open and honest communication is key, especially with something like this. However, I think you run the risk of really putting your partner off if you approach it like that. You’ll have a harder time with helping him realize that he wants this too if he feels attacked and gets defensive. Bring it along slowly and let him warm up to the idea at his own pace. Perhaps he’ll be ready to jump right into it. Or perhaps he’ll need some time for the idea to grow on him.

I want to be clear that you certainly don’t want to mislead him at all, and you certainly don’t want to approach this in a way that manipulates him in any way. This is really about being honest, while also remaining tactful and giving him the time he needs to get over any socializations against wifesharing he might already have. Some men are huge babies about this sort of thing and will throw a tantrum at the idea. If this isn’t something that you absolutely need to have in your relationship, but is more something you would like to try, approaching this slowly might help avoid some ugliness if he’s the type that will never be open to MFM or hotwifing.

Work Hotwifing/Cuckolding Into Conversation

So how do you slow play something like this? I think that if you can start a dialogue of some sort about the topic without directly addressing that this is something you want to be doing, it can get him thinking about the topic on his own. Make a joke or two about MFM threesomes. It’s lighthearted, nonthreatening, and it can soften him up to the whole idea.

Watch MFM or Wifesharing Porn

So what if you can’t really naturally bring the topic up or make a joke to get the the subject out there? One obvious way would be to watch porn together. Make sure it isn’t the ridiculous, over-the-top kind of porn where the husband is being ridiculed or degraded in ways that only porn does, but something that reflects the more welcoming kind of thing you would more realistically want to be doing.

Read MFM/Wifesharing Erotica

Like mine:

On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful and On His Orders: Entertaining Three. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works

And don’t try to hide it. Again, it can make him start thinking about the idea without it feeling pushed onto him or threatening him. It lets him get comfortable with the possibility at his own pace, and it lets him see that the idea is a turn on for you.

Know Why You Want to be a Hotwife

I think this one is very important. You don’t need to come at him with a bullet point list of the reasons why you want to be a hotwife. Actually, I think that would be weird and off-putting.

However, you should know what about the practice appeals to you and you should be able to explain it to him. Hopefully none of the reasons are that it’s because you find him to be sexually incompetent. If you do think he’s bad in bed, that’s probably a different conversation the two of you should be having. I would keep this one focused on all of the reasons why being a hotwife is appealing that don’t involve getting better sex (at until/unless you know that’s a turn on for him).

And there are plenty. If nothing else, I think that all men understand the appeal of a threesome. No one questions that literally all straight men would have sex with two women at once. It’s tough for men to seriously argue that they don’t understand how the inverse wouldn’t apply for women as well. You should also know what exactly you’re interested in doing since there are multiple ways to be a hotwife.

Know What Benefits He Would Get From It

Many men find there are many benefits to being a cuckold (or stag, if you prefer). He can probably figure out most of the benefits himself, especially since they can vary from person to person. But it would be good for you to know what you think he would enjoy about the situation by the time the conversation comes up.

Be Confident

And don’t apologize for having completely normal sexual desires if it comes to that. There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting to have sex with more than one man and you should be able to acknowledge that fact without feeling like you should be ashamed. No one is going to make a man feel ashamed because he thinks that an FMF threesome is sexy, so why should a woman be ashamed at thinking an MFM threesome is sexy?

Make Sure He Knows He is Still Your Number One

If you’re trying to do this as a way to fill a void in your relationship or you feel there are other big problems that this would be helping you cover up, you probably aren’t going to be set up to succeed as a hotwife. Assuming your relationship is going well, I would say that you should also make sure that he knows that nothing that would happen would make him replaceable. As it is put here:

You want to be able to provide honest reassurance that he is still your number one and that you won’t do anything that makes him uncomfortable. It would be best if you also were willing to give your word that he can withdraw his agreement at any time.

And that’s it! Hopefully some combination of the above will work for you, because I’m always in support of more people engaging in MFM threesomes. Of course, if you prefer to just jump right in flatly tell your partner that you want to have sex with other men, be my guest. I think you’re not likely to have that go well, but I could certainly be wrong.

Categories
sex Swinging

Who Brings Up Hotwifing/Cuckolding?

So you want to swing, but you aren’t sure if your partner feels the same. It can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up with your partner the first time. Something to induce the nerves, at least.

Even if you’re pretty sure that your partner has the same interests as you, putting it out there can make you question just how sure you are that you’re right. And if you have no idea? It’s enough to make you squirm. Even if a desire to swing is extremely common, no one wants to make their partner worry that you think they’re inadequate.

And therein lies one of the most common questions. Who is the first one to bring up hotwifing or cuckolding, or just swinging in general? The man or the woman? I’m focusing on M/F couples, predominantly straight here. The dynamics can change quite a bit with same sex couples.

In my experience, it’s the man that brings up a hotwife or cuckold fantasy first, and I know that I’m not alone on that. In fact, I had to really dig to find examples of women online who were the first to bring the subject up, at least successfully.

There could be many reasons for that, but really, I think most men feel threatened by that kind of request from the woman they’re seeing, even if it is a turn on for them. It can feel emasculating and threatening, but not in the good, exciting way. After all, if a man wants a hotwife because he gets off on the degradation aspect, it’s a contrived degradation. It’s just all a part of role play that’s part of being in what’s seen as a safe and secure relationship.

And it’s hard to blame them for that, really. It’s only natural to feel like a woman would only be asking for permission to screw other men because she sees her partner as inadequate. That’s likely not the case, but it’s a completely normal thought.

No, almost all of the articles and accounts I’ve seen involve the man broaching the topic first. At least when it’s been successful. And it’s usually taken a little bit of persuasion before the woman comes around.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple where the woman is a hotwife where she was the one to bring it up, either. I did know a woman in college who brought it up to her boyfriend. It didn’t go well, even though he was into it. He thought she was just cheating and eyeing a threesome with a guy she was seeing on the side and didn’t take to her suggestion well.

It didn’t help that he was right, even if his being right didn’t affect his initial reaction.

Does anyone have a different experience where the woman brought it up first with success?

It just seems that there is so much misunderstanding about wifesharing, hotwifing, cuckolding, etc., that adding in extra insecurities when the woman brings it up first makes it that much more difficult.

As always, please check out my hotwifing/cuckolding works. The On His Orders series is racy; Hooky is on the tamer side. Enjoy!

On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful and On His Orders: Entertaining Three and Hooky. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works
Categories
Erotica sex Swinging

Polyamory v. Swinging

Not a bad way for a girl to wake up in the above shot.

 A lot of people tend to group polyamory and swinging as being one and the same, even though the reality is much different. I mean, sure, both practices involve consensual non-monogamy, but aside from that, they really diverge. 

In swinging, you have one or both partners sleeping with other people with their significant other’s full knowledge. Or at least approval, in the case of swingers where one of the partners doesn’t want to know (or doesn’t get know) what the other is doing. But the sex is recreational and without commitment. It’s for the couples who crave a certain variety in their sex lives, or who enjoy watching, being watched, threesomes, foursomes, bigger groups, etc. There may also be some low-level amount of dating, but sex involving others is at least the main event in swinging, if not the only event.

By contrast, polyamory also typically involves sex with others, but the focus is on having additional relationships with other people on an emotional level. Any sex is really more of a byproduct of being in a relationship, not the sole/primary purpose of the relationship. The connections sought after are much more personal, deeper. It isn’t being done as a recreational activity. 

To me, despite any similarities, you can’t really compare the two much more than you could compare a long-term romantic relationship with the one-night stand you had with that guy whose name you don’t entirely remember. 

I can remember when I first heard of polyamory. I hadn’t come around to the realization that threesomes with two guys was something I actually wanted all that long before then, but still, the idea seemed so… taboo. Like, MFMs happened and they happened WAY more than portrayed in the media, but the idea of three or more people all being in a group-type of relationship still hadn’t even crossed my mind as being a real thing. 

The idea really turned me on. It still does, actually. Picturing being in a committed, ongoing, consensual, and closed relationship with two or three men who are only dating me and all at the same time makes me horny every time I think about it, without fail. And my husband I talked about it to some degree after we got engaged. Our schedules didn’t quite match up and he kept telling me that I should have a daytime boyfriend and a nighttime fiance. Which sounded amazing. 

And I did see some other guys during that time period while I was off and my husband was at work. And that was great and a lot of fun for both of us. But it was never in a way that more closely resembled polyamory over swinging.

The reality for both of us, though, is that neither one of us is all that cut out for polyamory. Truthfully, I don’t want the extra relationships and I think the reality of polyamory is that I couldn’t juggle the needs and demands that multiple partners would make of me. I wouldn’t be able to give enough, emotionally, to more than just my husband and I would always be wanting more, emotionally from them. The appeal, when I think of polyamory, isn’t the deeper connection with multiple guys – it’s the sex. I just want the below – a woman with two guys, engaging in the fun, flirty side of sexuality.

The jealousy is another side of polyamory that I think I would struggle with. There was some video on snapchat that my husband and I watched together a while back that was just about two couples that met and then made a quad, so both men exclusively dating both women (and vice versa). And that idea is appealing in a way (although not as much as one woman exclusively dating three men), but I know the jealousy would get the better of me, regardless of whether the men are dating other women or not. I mean, maybe I’m wrong and it would work out perfectly, but I just can’t picture it for myself. 

Obviously, everyone is different and what works for one person/couple may not work for another. 

And if swinging is your thing, please check out my books featuring swingers:

On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful and On His Orders: Entertaining Three. Previews and additional links can be found here: All My Works
Categories
General Swinging

Throuples Making Headway Into Mainstream?

HGTV

So it looks like HGTV broke some new ground by featuring a throuple on one of its most recent episodes of House Hunters. If you’re not familiar with the term, it’s a reference to a polyamorous trio. Instead of being two people involved in a committed relationship with one another, it’s three people in a committed relationship.

I think that throuples are not only getting more common, but individuals who are a part of a throuple are becoming more open about their relationship to outsiders. There is still a lot of judgment from much of the public, but there seems to be a greater range of acceptance for this lifestyle as well – I can’t imagine something like this being featured on a show as mainstream as House Hunters even as recently as ten years ago. People are slowly coming around to the idea that not everyone is cut out for or interested in a simple 1-to-1 monogamous relationship.

I say, “Good for them!” Both to HGTV for having the openness to feature this type of relationship and treat them like the normal people that they are, but also good for these three for being willing to have their relationship choices broadcast on national TV. While a lot of people will support them, there will certainly be a large (and sometimes vocal and vicious) group of people passing judgment on all three.

But seeing this also has me wondering if HGTV would have been willing to feature a throuple that involved two men and one woman? Like with threesomes, trios involving two women and one man seem to have gained broader acceptance, whereas there is a much greater stigma for trios composed of two men and one woman. Even as alternative lifestyles are gaining in popularity, something about two men with one woman still seems to be perceived as “more perverted” and less acceptable than two women with one man. There are precious few people who know that I not only can sleep with other men, but that my husband cheers me on when I do. The ones who do know weren’t openly accepting, either, even the ones who previously bragged about their FFM threesomes from their past.

Or maybe this was just the first good episode involving a throuple that came along. Who knows. Either way, I love that this episode happened. For more, check out HGTV for episode details.