I find myself considering the topic of race as it relates to interracial cuckolding a lot. Every time I think about it, I can’t get past the issue of what role, exactly, race plays in the situations. Far too often, the sentiment behind the image at the top of this post is too relevant for my liking.
I’ll start by saying that I have absolutely no issues with interracial relationships, attraction to certain races over others, or anything like that. Everyone is entitled to be attracted to whatever feature it is that they prefer. Many people are more attracted to certain races, and (since it’s not 1960), I fully support that.
But… I do have to question the motivation behind interracial cuckolding.
Perhaps some will disagree with me about the depictions made in porn, but I don’t think there’s much of a question that the pornography industry plays heavily on racist tropes. Innocent-looking woman being taken by a “thug,” particularly groups of thuggish black men. Latina women playing the role of subservient maid. Racist language throughout. Differences in race being fetishized and highlighted throughout the scene. There’s more on that here: Interracial Cuckold Porn, as well as many other sources. And others have noted that – specifically in relation to the cuckold genre – cuckold scenes very frequently feature a black man as the bull and a white man being cucked, whereas the inverse is very rarely true.
Why is that?
All I keep coming back to is that it’s a continuation of racist depictions that naturally play into the cuckolding desires. Many men enjoy being cuckolded due to the humiliation factor involved in the practice. There’s also an aspect of role reversal that can be a turn on.
Even though there are quite a few reasons why men want to be cuckolded by their partner, humiliation is the one that most people focus on, particularly in the porn industry. They do so in a very shallow and cartoonish sort of way, but it’s a primary focus.
So, as a white couple, having a black man sleep with your wife is presumed to make the entire situation more embarrassing. The roles have really been reversed as well. Now, not only is the man subservient to his wife, but he’s also subservient to a black man as well. Twice the role reversal, twice the humiliation, I guess.
I think this is why the interracial depictions in the industry have always made me uncomfortable. Race has been inserted into the discussion as an additional factor that is supposed to be so obvious as to be presumed to be more degrading.
Not that it’s always that way, but I struggle to see it any other way in most circumstances. I know there are more innocent explanations for a lot couples that put this into practice – obviously, the humiliation factor may be enhanced for some white men who simply view men of other races as superior in some manner. And a woman may simply be more sexually attracted to men of a different race, even if her partner isn’t of that race. So I’m not going to draw any absolutes here.
But I’m still strongly suspect of the fetishization of races, particularly in the context of cuckolding.
Anyway, it’s just some food for thought. Please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
My husband and I have been experimenting with female domination and humiliation play for a little while now. While it had a few awkward moments at the beginning (I’m not naturally dominant and it took both of us a while to get comfortable with me saying/doing things that are fairly derogatory), it’s been a lot of fun.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to do, even with my husband giving me some ideas and saying what would be good and what would be off-limits, so I looked around to try to find some ideas.
What I found was a small handful of items that were intriguing for us, mixed in with a great number of things that just weren’t our style. I know there are plenty of people out there who do get into this kind of lifestyle fully and with few limitations, but I don’t know how realistic that is for most people. Personally, I don’t want to hurt my husband to the point that he has permanent marks, make him drink pee, get branded, lick up his own cum, practice bestiality, or do yard work in women’s lingerie in plain sight of the neighbors. These were all suggestions that came up pretty regularly when I was searching for ideas at the start. That, and some form of “rules” for making domination/humiliation a true lifestyle.
We just want something to have fun with for a day or two (minus orgasm control, which necessarily takes longer).
And if those are your thing, great (except for the bestiality thing, which I can’t disapprove of any more than I currently do) More power to you. But for people like me, I put together a different list of items I think are more doable.
Before I get to the list, please be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, which is my first BDSM/femdom work.
I guess these aren’t really required, but I almost always employ both of these for my husband and I when we set out to do a little femdom.
1. Make Him Serve You
You can accomplish this in a lot of ways, particularly using the other ideas below. Have a set time or times where you’re the queen and he’s the servant that has to take orders from you and do anything/everything you want. Massages, oral, food and drink preparation – whatever you want.
2. No Orgasms Allowed
For him, obviously. You can (and should!) get off as many times as you can. So for, we’ve set a specific number of days that he is not allowed to orgasm. He is currently at 12, but his birthday is coming up very soon, which is when he is allowed relief. Our previous long was seven days.
You can also change it from “number of days” to “number of your orgasms.” So, he would be required to hold out until you’ve had 10 orgasms, rather than waiting for ten days. Both would work equally well, in my opinion. We’ve also considered using dice as an alternative – rolling two or three dice and using the combined number to determine how long he can’t cum.
OTHER IDEAS
Like I said above, there are many ways you can go about the first two. Here are some other ideas we’ve either used or think are at least worthy of discussion.
1. Massage
Make him massage you for as long as you want. One of my favorite things to do when dominating my husband is to have him massage my body with coconut oil until I fall asleep. It feels great for me, it puts me to sleep, I don’t give him anything in return, and he gets horny because he’s been rubbing all parts of my body.
2. Oral and Rimming Anytime You Want
This one should almost be added to the Musts above. If your partner is anything like my husband, this is quite teasing for him as well. Giving oral and rimming always gets him excited. Obviously, you’re the only one that gets to finish.
3. Blow Him
No, really. Blow him. Just make sure you stop before he cums. Getting him hard and teasing him with the prospect of getting to finish before sending him on his way just short of the finish line can be satisfyingly cruel. By day three of being teased, he’s ready to do anything you want.
4. Sex Anytime You Want
Very similar to above. I like this one a lot because it’s even more challenging for him. The way he struggles to get me off while holding himself back, especially when it’s the 3rd, 4th, 5th+ day in is wonderful. My husband has wonderful orgasm control, but even he struggles after five days of edging. Which brings me to…
5. Edging
I’ve found that one of the best ways to dominate and control my husband is by giving him things that he likes. When I’m controlling his orgasm as part of domination/humiliation play, I’m giving him a lot of attention a lot of days. Getting him so excited he has his sights set on an orgasm, wondering if he really can keep holding out, before forcing him to take the wind out of his sails before revving him up again really establishes a high level of power and control over him. A man that has been brought to the edge of cumming twenty times over the course of a week with no release is a man that will do anything you want.
6. Cock Cage
Make him wear a cock cage that prevents him from getting hard. Granted, we tried that and ended up buying one that really didn’t do the trick for us (see: https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/05/14/sex-toy-review/), but there are many others out there that you could try. However, you could use packing tape or duct tape and tape his flaccid dick to his balls. Anything to keep him from getting hard and to make it uncomfortable if his body tried.
7. Sit on His Face
Smother him with your ass and take control of the oral. Getting oral doesn’t always need to mean laying back and waiting for him to do what you hopefully want. Sometimes it means riding his face and using his mouth as a tool to give yourself an orgasm. Sometimes it means cumming while listening to him struggle for breath.
8. Sit on His Face Like He Isn’t There
This has been one of my favorite sexual things to do to him that isn’t actually all that sexual. I’ll strip him naked and lay him on the bed, mount his face and watch an episode or two of TV that I like but he hates, all while pretending he isn’t even there.
9. Flirt With Other Men
You could do this out in public while he watches, but I think it’s easier to use Tinder or some other dating/hookup app. I like to do that while sitting on his face or while he’s massaging my feet. After a while, I’ll let him read some of the messages and tell him what I like about the guys I’m talking to.
10. Treat Him Like an Object
Use him as a foot stool. Or any other inanimate object.
11. Make Him Wear a Butt Plug
Granted, a lot of men like that. But for us, this is in part embracing some role play.
12. Make Him Bartend
Have him make your favorite drink(s) all night while only allowing him water. Or perhaps beer in a can. The more elaborate or cumbersome your drink to make, the better.
13. Make Him Cook
And not just anything. Have him make your favorite food, but only enough for you while he gets something he hates.
Or, you could have a lot of variation here. He could have the same thing as you, but you could put it on a dish on the floor and have him eat it like a dog. Or you could put it right on the floor. Or you could step in his food and have him lick it off your feet. If you’re feeling really bold, you could fart on his food
14. Use a Marshmallow
How is up to you. But if you ask me, you could press a marshmallow as firmly onto your asshole as you can, holding it in place with a thong. Keep it there for as long as you’d like before having him remove it with his mouth and eat it. While he prepares your favorite food, you could hold a marshmallow in your ass for the entirety of the meal prep and dinner, giving him the marshmallow as his “dessert.”
Another classic. What you do with him from there is up to you, but tie him up and leave him helpless.
17. Have Him Lick Your Feet
Or suck your toes. Frankly, I really hate it. But more importantly, so does he.
18. Pedicure
Speaking of feet, when was the last time you had a pedicure? If you have a captive man intent on serving you and earning his orgasm, perhaps you can sit back and enjoy a pedicure before a nice meal and an orgasm before a massage.
19. Give Him Candy!
From your ass. Let him have as much candy as he wants, as long as he eats it out of your ass. Reese’s Pieces and M&Ms work quite well and can be inserted a little bit, too, until they’re nice and melty.
20. Hotbox Him
Hotbox him while he goes down on you under the covers.
21. No Need to be Clean
Have him rub your feet or sit on his face after you’ve finished exercising, but before you’ve showered. You could have him wash your body when you’re done as well.
22. Make Him Watch
Have sex with another guy or other guys while he watches and does not participate. Again, there are numerous reasons why a lot of guys are really into this (see, e.g., https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/06/05/why-do-men-enjoy-cuckolding/), but it is traditionally seen as degrading and there’s an element of role play in all of this.
You can verbally mock him. Or not. I never have because it’s just something that neither of us are into at all.
23. Don’t Let Him Watch
Have sex with another guy or other guys, but don’t let him watch
24. Tell Him How Good Other Guys Are
In either of the above cases, make sure to tell him how good the other guys were. Depending on what you two are into, you could have him go down on you when they’re done. If you clean up as little as possible, you’ll still smell and taste like sex. If you queef while he goes down on you, you can always tell him that you can’t help it – big dicks make you do that.
Actually sleeping with other guys is a big step, so if you’re not ready for it, you could just tell him about great sex you’ve had that didn’t include him. You could even make it up if you wanted.
25.Make Him Bathe and Dress You
Have him draw you a bath and wash your body, lotioning you from head-to-toe when you’re done. If you’re going to have sex with another guy, this is a great one to employ as your own foreplay.
When I was still seeing the first guy I regularly had sex with after starting to date my husband, he bathed me and rubbed body butter on my entire body before dressing me in my favorite lingerie. I have this purple corset combo that I love, but it’s really a pain to put on. When I was lotioned, he methodically dressed me in the corset – which I wore under my regular clothes – before sending me out the door to the other guy’s loft, obviously fully aware that I was going over to have sex with him.
26. Make Him Listen
Tie him and blindfold him before lying next to him and masturbate until you orgasm. Don’t take the blindfold off or restraints off until you’re fully dressed again.
27. Show Him How It’s Done
You could also let him watch you masturbate, but not touch himself. Or, you could have him rim you while you masturbate.
28. Reverse Spoon
I don’t know if there’s a different term for it already, but have him sleep with his face in your ass. My husband has put his pillow down by the back of my legs under the covers and position himself so that while I’m laying on my side, it’s sort of like he’s spooning me, but with his face in my ass. He doesn’t stay there all night, but he has done that for several hours at a time.
29. Dance, Monkey
It’s usually the woman dancing for the man, so flip the tables and make him give you a lap dance.
30. Dance for Him
If your goal is to make him as sexually frustrated as possible, a well-timed sexy striptease can drive him crazy.
31. Post Him Online
Find a forum for femdom or male humiliation and post naked pictures of him online. Obviously, only do it with his consent and most likely with anything personally identifiable (like his face) removed from the picture.
32. Dress Seductively
Do this as much as possible while you’re making him hold out. I have to be more careful about this than I’d like to because we have our kids around most of the time, but short skirts that make for easy upskirting, see-through leggings, lowcut tops, slutty lingerie at nighttime for no reason other than slutty lingerie at nighttime have been my friends. I want him thinking about sex as much as possible.
33. Queef
Most men are really grossed out by queefs, even though they seem entirely harmless to me. Funny sounding, but harmless. Queef around him or on him and watch him squirm.
34. Semi-Public Nudity
Obviously, you have to be careful because you don’t want him to get arrested. And if the neighbors happen to see, you can’t get them to unsee it.
But, we have a semi-private backyard. I’ve tied him to the playset after dark and left him there. It’s very unlikely that any neighbor would have been able to see him, but not impossible.
OTHER NOTES
Unless this is really going to be a lifestyle for you (in which case, most of this is just too effing mild), I would recommend setting times where you’ll play. If you’re withholding his orgasm, a lot of this will extend for a number of days. But set aside specific time frame – e.g., one evening – where you’ll do the “mean” things to him. It can be fun to have my husband serve me and get turned on by me doing what would otherwise be unpleasant things to him, but it would be a lot less fun if we didn’t have set, specific times for that part of our play. I want most of my time spent with my husband to be where we’re treating each other as equals.
It’s a question I’ve seen many times, mostly by two groups of people. The first of which is men – particularly straight men – who are trying to understand why they are turned on by the thought of their partner having sex with another man or men. A lot of the time, they seem to be worried that they aren’t “normal,” even though they can’t quite figure out what they think it is that would be wrong with them. Hint: Nothing is.
The second group is women who are shocked by their husband or boyfriend bringing this fantasy up to them. Women who bring up cuckolding or hotwifing (which has a lot of similarities to cuckolding, but generally considers a more equal power dynamic, whereas that isn’t always the case with cuckolding. I could split more hairs here, but won’t.) first to their partner don’t have that same type of surprise. The women who question why men enjoy being cuckolded usually struggle with understanding why a man wants to be (in their view) cheated on, particularly when they don’t see what the men get in return. Almost always, however, it is the man who wants to be cucked that brings it up first.
I think it’s a very complicated and complex question that has many different answers. It’s one of the most common fantasies amongst both men and women and has been steadily gaining in popularity for years, despite being something that flies in the face of what societal norms dictate relationships should look like. Societal norms say that monogamy is the accepted standard. Men need to be “real men” who take “what’s theirs,” not weak and ineffectual men that can’t keep women from falling into the arms of other men. Men are supposed to be intensely jealous if their partner even looks towards another man and women are somehow devalued if they would even think about having more than one sexual partner. They should be ridiculed as a whore, slut, tramp, or whatever other derogatory term for a woman comes to mind. Nevermind that the appeal for women is simple here: women enjoy sex just as much as men. No one questions why men would want to sleep with two women; there’s similarly no real reason to question why women would want to sleep with two men.
Honestly, I could explore the question of why men want to be cuckolded and the many different avenues it goes down for hours and hours. I won’t, because this is just a blog post. At least, I won’t go on about this for hours and hours in this singular blog post. I think the topic is fascinating and I’m sure I’ll revisit it many more times.
I’ll pull myself back on point before I start taking myself off on other tangents. Below is a completely non-exhaustive list of reasons why some men want to be cuckolded. Although first, please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
Yes, men like porn. Yes, yours too. No, your husband/boyfriend doesn’t really think that strippers are gross. He might think that the environment that exists at a strip club is gross, but he doesn’t seriously think that being surrounded by attractive women that get completely naked for his enjoyment (and money, of course) is gross.
Your partner also really enjoys seeing you naked. If he doesn’t, there are other problems in the relationship. Being cuckolded gives a man the opportunity to not only witness live porn, but to see the partner he loves be that fantasy pornstar. For a lot of men this is a live show that’s better than any scene on a computer screen or any 20-year-old spinning around on a pole.
HEARING ABOUT IT
Any woman who has had a guy ask her to tell him about previous sex while they were having sex may relate here.
Some men may not want to watch you with other men, at least not every time. Some would rather get off on hearing about the sexual encounter later. If they’re hearing you describe it, rather than watching everything unfold, they’re able to craft a picture of what happened in their mind. For some, this can be better than watching because the scene and imagery they create plays out more perfectly than reality. I, for one, have had some pretty disappointing sex without my husband present, but it didn’t diminish things for him much, if at all. He was still able to create an image of me and the other guys romping through the bedroom like a couple of sexual Adonis’.
Still others just want to know that their partner had sex with another guy, but don’t want all the details. The suspense of not knowing exactly what happened enhances things for them and still allows them to create the entire image. I had sex with a guy once and only showed my husband that there was a used condom in the trash. The only other thing I said about it was that I had fun night. It drove him wild!
VIEW YOUR PARTNER AS A SEXUAL OBJECT
I’ve brought this one up before and the initial reaction from a lot of people is one of confusion. However, I think this is a very real reason for a lot of men to want to be cucked, particularly as the relationship grows and gets older. It certainly applies to my husband.
At the beginning, a lot of relationships are about that spark and sexual chemistry. You’re in the honeymoon phase and sex is right at the forefront of nearly everything you do together. Even when you’re out and about doing purely non-sexual things, at the back of both of your minds is the desire to get naked together again.
And that starts to fade over time. You don’t love each other any less, but your roles within each other’s lives expand. She becomes someone you bring to family events. You discuss finances and other long-term plans. She becomes a wife and a mother, a career-focused woman, or any other number of things that intelligent and highly complex people are apt to do. And her existence as a sexual person is still there, but it’s taken a less prominent role.
But in cuckolding, you’re reconnecting to that purely carnal part of both of you and you get to see her in a light that’s nothing but sexual. All of the outside noise and distractions can take a back seat, because while you cuckold, everything is about pleasure. With everything else she is, while watching her orgasm on top of another guy, she is only a sexual person.
Not that you have to wait a long time and have your relationship develop over the course of years for this to apply. Even when you’re in a pretty new relationship, cuckolding places her in a position of being seen in purely sexual terms, which, for a lot of people, is incredibly exciting in any context.
THE THRILL OF THE TABOO
As noted above, societal norms and expectations demand that people act in a certain way. But for a lot of people, it’s a lot of fun to break those norms. They don’t want to feel constrained by these expectations and feel excited by doing something they “aren’t supposed to do.”
It can be a little exciting to do something that is supposed to be wrong and dirty. At least this kind of wrong and dirty is done with the full knowledge and approval of your partner, yet still wrong and dirty enough that you probably won’t tell your neighbors that you fucked your bull while your husband waited patiently for his turn.
ROLE REVERSAL
Very closely related to the above, the role reversal can be a lot of fun. Men are supposed to be the ones that desire multiple sexual partners, not women. It’s sort of like the male CEO of a company wanting to have a dominatrix control him all evening. The quiet, polite librarian that wants to whip her partner before having loud, headboard-banging sex.
This embrace of female empowerment and male submission can be exciting for a lot of men.
COMPERSION
Compersion is a real thing and occurs where someone experiences happiness from witnessing someone else’s enjoyment of something. More specifically, it’s a type of vicarious pleasure experienced from watching your partner have good sex with someone else. As it is put here:
“Loving someone essentially involves a desire for the beloved’s happiness. Too often, we add a rider, But only provided that I am the one to cause it!”
That author goes on to point out that this can be more of an indicator of possessiveness than love.
Essentially, your partner may just enjoy seeing you cum so much that seeing you cum from someone else has a high level of appeal.
FEMALE SEXUAL FULFILLMENT
Related to compersion, many women have a significantly higher sexual capacity than their partners. They can have many, many more orgasms and don’t have nearly as lengthy refractory periods. For many, sex with a single man is never long enough and they finish an encounter wanting more.
Men who have that sort of partner may want to see her needs get fulfilled in ways that they can’t manage on their own. They also may be living vicariously through their partner and experiencing this higher level of sexual capacity that they can’t experience. I love my husband and he’s great in bed, but he couldn’t really please three women by himself at once. But he can live vicariously through me and experience that kind of sex when I’m with three guys at once.
JEALOUSY AS AN APHRODISIAC
While not universal, jealousy can be an especially potent aphrodisiac. I remember the first time I had a threesome with a guy I was dating, the first time I had sex while a boyfriend just watched, and the first threesome I had with my husband. After each one, I asked them: “Doesn’t that make you jealous?”
I couldn’t believe that seeing me with another guy didn’t make them feel like they were going to go crazy with jealousy. Do you know what all of them told me? “Yes.”
Yes, it did make them jealous. But no, it didn’t make them feel like they were going to go crazy with jealousy. At least not in a bad way. They liked feeling jealous. My husband has always put it as though jealousy from seeing me with other guys is always there, at least a little bit. But rather than making him angry and feeling like he wants to punch something, he says mixing jealousy with his horniness is like pouring gasoline on fire. It just makes him hornier and want me even more.
This article isn’t specifically about swinging or cuckolding, but it revolves around how jealousy within a relationship is a good thing. Seeing your partner with other people can make people “remember: Oh, yeah. Other people think my partner is hot. I think my partner is hot, too. I’d better start showing it.” One of the experts interviewed there noted that jealousy can cause someone to pay much more attention to their own partner.
Many people treat jealousy as being a bad thing, when really, it’s only certain reactions to jealousy that are bad. Others interviewed in the above article discussed the same concept (although again, not actual cuckolding). “[O]f course you want [my partner]. But guess what, [she’s] mine.” Cuckolding is just taking this another step. Of course you want her, sexually. But guess what, after I watch her get what we want from you, she’s still mine.
SHARING AS A SOURCE OF PRIDE
Some men want to share their partner because they’re proud to have her. Some men share pictures of their wives and girlfriends online or to their friends because they want people to see how hot she is and be envious of him. Some men want their partner to dress revealing when they go out so others can see what they don’t have.
Cuckolding takes this a little bit further. And it isn’t a case of the man being cheated on, because he isn’t. And it isn’t a matter of being too weak or too inadequate to take care of her needs (even if those things are said because of a desire to be humiliated). Rather, the cuckold is completely in control because he has the power to share “his” woman.
BICURIOUS EXPLORATION
I know there are women who really don’t want this to be the case, even if I don’t think it should matter, but it’s also possible that the guy is exploring some bisexual tendencies or curiosity. For some guys, if they want to explore bicuriosity, fooling around with another guy may be too intimidating, but being around a naked man while he’s having sex with a woman or going down on a woman seconds after another man has been inside of her is not.
HUMILIATION
Also, the guy just might want to explore the “M” in BDSM. Some people are turned on by masochism, which would include humiliation. Creating a scene, even if entirely contrived, wherein the cuck is playing the role of the guy too pathetic to fuck his woman right and is forced to watch a bigger, better, stronger man give her what she needs can be all the humiliation he’s looking for. Playing off the societal norms and expectations above, little more is more degrading than being forced to watch your partner please and be pleased by other men.
CONCLUSION
I know there are more reasons than what’s listed above and the nuances to every situation and reason can go on and on. And obviously, every person/couple that wants to explore cuckolding has their own reasons, which can be very personal to them. But with that said, in my experience, the above list provide some of the most common reasons for guys to enjoy being cucked.
Personally, I love that cuckolding and hotwifing are becoming more and more common, so whatever your reasons are for wanting to try it, I hope you talk it through with your partner and are able to make it a reality.
Alicia Stills Author: Erotica and Fantasy 