What kind of rules should be in place you start to swing?
I see this question a lot when couples are looking at starting to open up their relationship and bring others into the bedroom with them. And boy, wouldn’t it make things simple if there was just an easy, ready-to-go set of rules that applied equally well to every couple?
And you absolutely, 100% have to give full effect to what your partner wants. Even if you have prior swinging experience and know what worked for you in an earlier relationship, a different partner means it’s a whole new ball game. Things might have changed for you, too, now that you’re older and are in a different point of your life. What you wanted/did want five years ago may not be the same now.
Ultimately, you both will need to figure out what you want to get out of the experience and what’s off-limits. Will you bring in men/women/couples and will you both play or will one watch/wait at home? Are you looking just for sex with other people, or are you going to start thinking about toeing that line with poly? You also need to agree on where to find a partner, how frequently you would want to swing, safety precautions, and anything else either of you are concerned about.
Basically, the rules can be and should be whatever you both agree to, don’t do anything that isn’t okay with your partner, and make sure you are always clearly communicating with one another. The more you talk about what you want to do/don’t want to do beforehand, the better you’ll understand each other going in. And that conversation should be ongoing. Feelings can change and each you can learn more about what you like or dislike.
For most people, it’s nothing like porn. A husband doesn’t just come home and find his wife having sex with a stranger, shrug his shoulders, and promptly get naked and DP her. And a wife doesn’t listen to her husband perv on the kid’s babysitter and go “Oh, that’s so cute! I’m going to sit on her face while he plows her!”
But anyway.
As always, please check out my hotwifing/cuckolding/multi-partner works.
It’s been a while since my last post. Yeesh. I’m almost embarrassed to look back and see how long it’s been.
Sorry. Life happens and I just got busy. It didn’t mean I quit working on things.
On that note, I’m excited to announce that my latest book will be available shortly. Like Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, it will only be available on Amazon and will be enrolled in KDP Select. I plan on expanding to other retailers after the first enrollment, but this is where you can find it for the first 90 days.
The pre-order is now live (releasing 7/3/21) and you can find my book on Amazon!
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August 14, 10:07 p.m.
It was dark, save for a sliver of light cutting sharply into the room through a crack in the bedroom door. Not enough to light the inside of the closet, though, leaving him to sit in darkness, unable to do more than steady his eyes on the strip of light running along the carpet on its way to the foot of the bed. All he could do was strain his ears against the silence and fixate on the light, hoping for any indication that she had returned.
He knew her schedule as well as anyone. Better, actually. Perhaps even better than her. He knew the sound of the garage door opening would rattle through the house soon. From there, he would have ninety seconds, give or take a few, before she made the short trek down the hall and into the bedroom. That’s when his real work would begin.
He had fantasized about doing this so many times before, but he had never been this nervous in his fantasy. Now that he was actually crouching, the silence and the shadows his only companions, it finally felt real. Real enough to make his thoughts race so quickly that everything felt like a blur.
Still, even through the blur, he knew that if he were going to be discovered, it would be right away. A wandering eye taking in the room, peering through a crack in the closet door before locking in on him. He had to stay still and silent, right up until it was time to make his presence known. If he were to be discovered prematurely, it would make things… uncomfortable, to say the least. And not at all how he wanted this night to unfold.
But as he sat back in the darkness, his nerves only made him more excited. His heart raced and his breathing was heavy and uneven, both seeming to echo loudly around inside of him as he listlessly ran his fingers along the silken material inside one of the plastic tubs stacked next to his body. He didn’t need to open the drawer to know it was where she kept her lingerie. He knew before he entered that night, but the texture of the most intimate clothing she owned left little doubt about what he was touching. The smooth fabric felt nice on his skin. As nice as her skin would feel on mine, he thought.
The mechanical sound of turning gears opening the garage door made him jump. Images of her body bending to his will were shoved from his mind, replaced by a picture of himself in her kitchen, clearly positioned to watch her walk in. When he closed his eyes, he could clearly envision what she looked like. Straight, shiny brown hair that she wore down, tan skin, lean, athletic body. She was wearing the skin-tight jeans and low-cut black top from earlier that day, still showing off just a hint of her stomach and an inviting amount of cleavage. By the time he heard the door open, he was already hard. Everything had been building up this for a long time. As he anxiously waited to hear her again, he realized that he needed this buildup. Touching her later wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying without it.
As he listened in anticipation, he finally heard what he had so desperately been waiting for. Her voice carried into the bedroom, buzzed, light, and flirty. As beautiful as ever, he thought to himself. But there was something else there, too. There was too much movement for it to be just her, and she wouldn’t be talking to herself. The blood had already drained from his face before he heard him speak.
His voice was deep and masculine. When he heard it respond to her just beyond the bedroom door, he sat back deeper in the closet, certainly not wanting to be discovered now. He knew it had been possible that she wouldn’t return alone. There had always been the chance of that. He just couldn’t believe tonight was the night she brought home company.
As more light from the hallway spilled into the bedroom, he could see her again, finally. She was a welcomed sight, even as she was leading a new man to her bed. A tall, muscular man that would certainly tower over the one hiding in the closet.
Trapped, and almost too nervous to breathe, he had nothing to do but wait.
Which brings up another good question: If you’re a woman and you want to be a hotwife, how can you bring that up to your husband or boyfriend? Can it even be done successfully?
Just because it doesn’t seem to happen successfully very often, that doesn’t mean that I think it can’t be done successfully. I just think that it presents new difficulties. Namely, you have to be able to do it in a way that doesn’t make your partner feel threatened. After all, it’s only natural for a man to worry he is inadequate once his partner brings up the idea of a relationship that is only open on her side.
I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on the matter, but I think I have enough experience to have a few decent ideas. Let me know your thoughts, or, if you’re a woman, how you’ve had success in the past.
Take It Slow
I think the biggest thing to avoid doing is to just sit your husband down and bluntly come right out and say that you want to be a hotwife. I know, I know – open and honest communication is key, especially with something like this. However, I think you run the risk of really putting your partner off if you approach it like that. You’ll have a harder time with helping him realize that he wants this too if he feels attacked and gets defensive. Bring it along slowly and let him warm up to the idea at his own pace. Perhaps he’ll be ready to jump right into it. Or perhaps he’ll need some time for the idea to grow on him.
I want to be clear that you certainly don’t want to mislead him at all, and you certainly don’t want to approach this in a way that manipulates him in any way. This is really about being honest, while also remaining tactful and giving him the time he needs to get over any socializations against wifesharing he might already have. Some men are huge babies about this sort of thing and will throw a tantrum at the idea. If this isn’t something that you absolutely need to have in your relationship, but is more something you would like to try, approaching this slowly might help avoid some ugliness if he’s the type that will never be open to MFM or hotwifing.
Work Hotwifing/Cuckolding Into Conversation
So how do you slow play something like this? I think that if you can start a dialogue of some sort about the topic without directly addressing that this is something you want to be doing, it can get him thinking about the topic on his own. Make a joke or two about MFM threesomes. It’s lighthearted, nonthreatening, and it can soften him up to the whole idea.
Watch MFM or Wifesharing Porn
So what if you can’t really naturally bring the topic up or make a joke to get the the subject out there? One obvious way would be to watch porn together. Make sure it isn’t the ridiculous, over-the-top kind of porn where the husband is being ridiculed or degraded in ways that only porn does, but something that reflects the more welcoming kind of thing you would more realistically want to be doing.
And don’t try to hide it. Again, it can make him start thinking about the idea without it feeling pushed onto him or threatening him. It lets him get comfortable with the possibility at his own pace, and it lets him see that the idea is a turn on for you.
Know Why You Want to be a Hotwife
I think this one is very important. You don’t need to come at him with a bullet point list of the reasons why you want to be a hotwife. Actually, I think that would be weird and off-putting.
However, you should know what about the practice appeals to you and you should be able to explain it to him. Hopefully none of the reasons are that it’s because you find him to be sexually incompetent. If you do think he’s bad in bed, that’s probably a different conversation the two of you should be having. I would keep this one focused on all of the reasons why being a hotwife is appealing that don’t involve getting better sex (at until/unless you know that’s a turn on for him).
And there are plenty. If nothing else, I think that all men understand the appeal of a threesome. No one questions that literally all straight men would have sex with two women at once. It’s tough for men to seriously argue that they don’t understand how the inverse wouldn’t apply for women as well. You should also know what exactly you’re interested in doing since there are multiple ways to be a hotwife.
Know What Benefits He Would Get From It
Many men find there are many benefits to being a cuckold (or stag, if you prefer). He can probably figure out most of the benefits himself, especially since they can vary from person to person. But it would be good for you to know what you think he would enjoy about the situation by the time the conversation comes up.
Be Confident
And don’t apologize for having completely normal sexual desires if it comes to that. There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting to have sex with more than one man and you should be able to acknowledge that fact without feeling like you should be ashamed. No one is going to make a man feel ashamed because he thinks that an FMF threesome is sexy, so why should a woman be ashamed at thinking an MFM threesome is sexy?
Make Sure He Knows He is Still Your Number One
If you’re trying to do this as a way to fill a void in your relationship or you feel there are other big problems that this would be helping you cover up, you probably aren’t going to be set up to succeed as a hotwife. Assuming your relationship is going well, I would say that you should also make sure that he knows that nothing that would happen would make him replaceable. As it is put here:
You want to be able to provide honest reassurance that he is still your number one and that you won’t do anything that makes him uncomfortable. It would be best if you also were willing to give your word that he can withdraw his agreement at any time.
And that’s it! Hopefully some combination of the above will work for you, because I’m always in support of more people engaging in MFM threesomes. Of course, if you prefer to just jump right in flatly tell your partner that you want to have sex with other men, be my guest. I think you’re not likely to have that go well, but I could certainly be wrong.
So you want to swing, but you aren’t sure if your partner feels the same. It can be an uncomfortable topic to bring up with your partner the first time. Something to induce the nerves, at least.
Even if you’re pretty sure that your partner has the same interests as you, putting it out there can make you question just how sure you are that you’re right. And if you have no idea? It’s enough to make you squirm. Even if a desire to swing is extremely common, no one wants to make their partner worry that you think they’re inadequate.
And therein lies one of the most common questions. Who is the first one to bring up hotwifing or cuckolding, or just swinging in general? The man or the woman? I’m focusing on M/F couples, predominantly straight here. The dynamics can change quite a bit with same sex couples.
In my experience, it’s the man that brings up a hotwife or cuckold fantasy first, and I know that I’m not alone on that. In fact, I had to really dig to find examples of women online who were the first to bring the subject up, at least successfully.
There could be many reasons for that, but really, I think most men feel threatened by that kind of request from the woman they’re seeing, even if it is a turn on for them. It can feel emasculating and threatening, but not in the good, exciting way. After all, if a man wants a hotwife because he gets off on the degradation aspect, it’s a contrived degradation. It’s just all a part of role play that’s part of being in what’s seen as a safe and secure relationship.
And it’s hard to blame them for that, really. It’s only natural to feel like a woman would only be asking for permission to screw other men because she sees her partner as inadequate. That’s likely not the case, but it’s a completely normal thought.
No, almost all of the articles and accounts I’ve seen involve the man broaching the topic first. At least when it’s been successful. And it’s usually taken a little bit of persuasion before the woman comes around.
I don’t think I’ve ever met a couple where the woman is a hotwife where she was the one to bring it up, either. I did know a woman in college who brought it up to her boyfriend. It didn’t go well, even though he was into it. He thought she was just cheating and eyeing a threesome with a guy she was seeing on the side and didn’t take to her suggestion well.
It didn’t help that he was right, even if his being right didn’t affect his initial reaction.
Does anyone have a different experience where the woman brought it up first with success?
It just seems that there is so much misunderstanding about wifesharing, hotwifing, cuckolding, etc., that adding in extra insecurities when the woman brings it up first makes it that much more difficult.
As always, please check out my hotwifing/cuckolding works. The On His Orders series is racy; Hooky is on the tamer side. Enjoy!
I’ve never used the reblog function here… I hope I’m doing it right.
I appreciated this lengthy post on the term cuck and cuckolding. I frequently cringe when I use the terms, all due to the negative connotations people have added to the terms.
Please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
Specifically, if you have a threesome with two women and a man (FMF), are you now obligated to have a threesome with two men and a woman (MFM)?
To me, the answer is an obvious “no,” but I’ve seen quite a few people and sites say otherwise. In order to be “equal,” you have to do both kinds of threesomes “for” your partner. I can’t find it anymore, but I remember hearing Channing Tatum talk about it years ago, saying something along the lines of, “well, yeah, a threesome with two women is great, but remember, you have to give her a threesome with two guys afterwards, so be ready for that.”
I think that view is absolutely bonkers. No wonder so many people have failed threesome attempts. If this is how you understand the dynamics of group sex to be, you really aren’t cut out for it, in my opinion. There are just so many problems with viewing sex through that kind of prism that it can be difficult to even begin addressing how wrong it is. I’ll take a crack at it, though.
First, threesomes and any other kind of swinging as a couple has to be something that both partners want to do. If one partner really doesn’t want to add a third person – even if I think they should be open to trying it out to see how fun it can be – they shouldn’t. And their partner should respect that. It doesn’t mean they can’t explore it again in the future, but you can’t get involved if one person isn’t interested.
Second, and related, is that you aren’t having a threesome “for” your partner. Your having a threesome with your partner as part of a mutual desire to have one. If a couple has an FMF threesome, it should be because both the man and the woman wanted to add another woman to the mix. Neither one should be able to say sometime in the future that their partner owes them an MFM because they did FMF “for” the other. No, you did FMF because you both wanted to. Neither of them gets to say that they had a threesome for the other because they both wanted it. Even if one of them had a greater interest in FMF than the other. And, of course, the inverse is true – just interchange FMF for MFM.
Third, if the above isn’t the case and one person was only having a threesome in order to use that as leverage over the other, that’s really shitty. I mean, really, really shitty. That’s sexual coercion and isn’t fair to your partner. If my husband had only been having MFMs with me in order to make me feel obligated to give him an FMF, I would have felt entirely violated, even if I did want to have an FMF with him.
Fourth, viewing sexual relationships and bringing extra partners into bed with you as being so tit-for-tat is an extremely and overly simplistic way to view equality. If you have FMF you have to have MFM, or vice versa, is a child-like way to think about equality in the complex relationships that adults have. It just doesn’t compare to “Well, Jane had a turn with Toy A, so now John gets a turn with Toy A” like we tell our toddlers when they argue.
But, if you want to check out some of my works where the couples are happily having threesomes and foursomes, please check out the below:
For me, the leadup to swinging can absolutely be the best part about the entire experience. That isn’t always the case, especially when it’s with a guy I’ve been with a bunch of times before and there hasn’t been a very long break between threesomes (or whatever we’re doing). But more often than not, the leadup is my favorite part.
I’ll use the first time my husband and I had me sleep with another guy as an example. We had been talking about it for a long time, but we just hadn’t gone through with it. That didn’t mean I had stopped thinking about it, though. I hadn’t. In fact, I had been fantasizing about sharing that experience with him from before we had even started talking about it.
But when we decided to go through with it, I took my time, searching for the right guy, flirting with prospective partners. It was fun to be on the dating scene again and to see men want me. I felt sexy and desirable and took that new energy back home with me.
I finally settled on one guy in particular that seemed promising. He was my age, attractive, and easy to get along with. We flirted via e-mail and text for a long time and there never really seemed to be a lull in the conversation. Eventually, I got drinks with him just to feel out the waters and rule him out if he just didn’t seem to live up to expectations.
But he did live up to expectations. I didn’t do anything with him that night and just left it as a good first date of sorts that had followed a lot of fun, flirty conversation. My husband (then boyfriend) and I talked a lot about what we each wanted me to do with this new guy, what I liked about him, and what I was most excited about. It was really freeing to be able to be sexually attracted to another man and to not only be able to tell my husband about it, but to be able to really discuss it with him. It was so much fun – he had even checked out guys with me before that to help me find someone that we thought would work.
Sometime after that first date, I was out with some friends on a girls’ night when this other guy texted me to see if I was interested in going over to his place. I was. I really was. I had been regretting not taking things farther at our first real date, but I was still making sure my husband was okay with everything.
So, I called my husband when I left the bar and told him that this other guy asked if I wanted to come over. I didn’t say he asked me to come over to his place for sex, but I didn’t need to. We all knew that was what he meant.
I was so nervous to make that call, but extremely excited. At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure how he would respond. He wanted me to have sex with this guy and come home to him afterwards, bringing sloppy seconds with me. See my earlier post about sloppy seconds. I had never had that request before and didn’t quite understand the appeal.
But he seemed as enthused as I did and quickly told me to go ahead and head over to this guy’s place. So I did.
His place was really nice. Downtown, loft, great building. I was so excited to be there that I could have skipped all foreplay. In a lot of ways, it felt like a one-night stand, but the buildup to the event made it so much bigger. And better.
I don’t really remember much of what happened at the beginning. He gave me a tour and we hung out in his place, just letting the sexual tension hang in the air. Eventually, we started kissing and the clothes came off.
All was great up to this point. Of course. Now that we had reached the climax, so to speak. I was dripping wet and couldn’t wait to fulfill one of my husband’s biggest desires, but my new friend was… not so up to the task.
I chalked it up to nerves and used my hands to try to get him hard. No go.
Okay, I thought. I wasn’t expecting this, particularly from a 23-year-old guy, but I figured it was nothing we couldn’t work through. I pushed him back so he was on the couch and got to my knees, taking his cock in my mouth. I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick picture (husband’s request) and kept sucking on him to get him hard.
It’s not like I had never sucked on my husband to get him hard before, but I don’t think it ever took more than thirty seconds or so. Three minutes in and I still have a limp noodle in my mouth. By five minutes or so, he finally gets (mostly) hard.
He puts my on the couch and gets on top of me, trying to enter me missionary style. Already, he had started to go soft and he struggled to even get inside of me. He finally does, but it doesn’t do all that much for me. He definitely lied when he said he was better hung than my husband, but was semi-hard when he entered and went fully-soft again while inside.
He suggested that we go to his bedroom and try a different position. I agree. I figure that it can’t really get any worse. I dropped to my knees and started giving him a blowjob again. Perhaps seeing me on my knees would help get him hard? Maybe he liked the more subservient-looking partner and just hadn’t told me?
Whether that was it or not, he did get hard pretty quickly and put a new condom on. He said he wanted me to ride him, cowgirl style, since that was his favorite position.
I obliged and slid him in without hesitating. I didn’t want to risk him going soft again and it looked like he was already on his way just from the time it took to put on the condom.
Sex in that position lasted all of about 40 seconds before he blew his load. No apologies for being so short. No attempt to go down on me to get me off. Nothing of the sort and I leave, pretty unfulfilled.
To top it off, my husband is horny AF when I get home. I was nervous to tell him about everything, but I did. He was as disappointed as I was that the sex was so disappointing, but still incredibly turned on by hearing about me describe going through with everything and seeing the one picture I took. He laid me on my back and went down on me, telling me that he could smell the condom on me and that it looked like I had sex. We did missionary and then cowgirl, just to match the other guy.
However, he was so horny that he lasted all of about three minutes with me on top of him, pushing me off his dick and cumming all over my lower back. Which never happens with him. Never. He had better self-control when I didn’t let him cum for the entire month of November.
So, I had fucked two men in the course of about 30 minutes and made both of them cum, but hadn’t gotten close myself at all. To be fair to my husband, that hasn’t happened since, and – like a gentlemen – he flipped me over and used his tongue to give me a well-deserved orgasm.
I mean, I’m happy I did it and everything. The process of finding a guy and flirting, teasing (both the new guy and my husband) was a lot of fun, and I feel like it really brought my husband and I together in a lot of ways. But the actual hotwifing portion? Not so good. Not so good at all.
Even when I’ve had great sex with new guys, I still usually prefer the flirting and the foreplay and everything that comes before the sex over the actual sex.
I’d love to hear other’s thoughts and experiences.
And, as always, please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
Not a bad way for a girl to wake up in the above shot.
A lot of people tend to group polyamory and swinging as being one and the same, even though the reality is much different. I mean, sure, both practices involve consensual non-monogamy, but aside from that, they really diverge.
In swinging, you have one or both partners sleeping with other people with their significant other’s full knowledge. Or at least approval, in the case of swingers where one of the partners doesn’t want to know (or doesn’t get know) what the other is doing. But the sex is recreational and without commitment. It’s for the couples who crave a certain variety in their sex lives, or who enjoy watching, being watched, threesomes, foursomes, bigger groups, etc. There may also be some low-level amount of dating, but sex involving others is at least the main event in swinging, if not the only event.
By contrast, polyamory also typically involves sex with others, but the focus is on having additional relationships with other people on an emotional level. Any sex is really more of a byproduct of being in a relationship, not the sole/primary purpose of the relationship. The connections sought after are much more personal, deeper. It isn’t being done as a recreational activity.
To me, despite any similarities, you can’t really compare the two much more than you could compare a long-term romantic relationship with the one-night stand you had with that guy whose name you don’t entirely remember.
I can remember when I first heard of polyamory. I hadn’t come around to the realization that threesomes with two guys was something I actually wanted all that long before then, but still, the idea seemed so… taboo. Like, MFMs happened and they happened WAY more than portrayed in the media, but the idea of three or more people all being in a group-type of relationship still hadn’t even crossed my mind as being a real thing.
The idea really turned me on. It still does, actually. Picturing being in a committed, ongoing, consensual, and closed relationship with two or three men who are only dating me and all at the same time makes me horny every time I think about it, without fail. And my husband I talked about it to some degree after we got engaged. Our schedules didn’t quite match up and he kept telling me that I should have a daytime boyfriend and a nighttime fiance. Which sounded amazing.
And I did see some other guys during that time period while I was off and my husband was at work. And that was great and a lot of fun for both of us. But it was never in a way that more closely resembled polyamory over swinging.
The reality for both of us, though, is that neither one of us is all that cut out for polyamory. Truthfully, I don’t want the extra relationships and I think the reality of polyamory is that I couldn’t juggle the needs and demands that multiple partners would make of me. I wouldn’t be able to give enough, emotionally, to more than just my husband and I would always be wanting more, emotionally from them. The appeal, when I think of polyamory, isn’t the deeper connection with multiple guys – it’s the sex. I just want the below – a woman with two guys, engaging in the fun, flirty side of sexuality.
The jealousy is another side of polyamory that I think I would struggle with. There was some video on snapchat that my husband and I watched together a while back that was just about two couples that met and then made a quad, so both men exclusively dating both women (and vice versa). And that idea is appealing in a way (although not as much as one woman exclusively dating three men), but I know the jealousy would get the better of me, regardless of whether the men are dating other women or not. I mean, maybe I’m wrong and it would work out perfectly, but I just can’t picture it for myself.
Obviously, everyone is different and what works for one person/couple may not work for another.
And if swinging is your thing, please check out my books featuring swingers:
It was technically available last Friday if you wanted to order the paperback. But the pre-order period is now complete and you can read the full e-book starting today!
Personally, I prefer physical books over e-books. It obviously costs a little bit more, but still. It just feels better to read from an actual book. Plus, I’m very proud of the work I did in putting the physical book together, even if the author’s commission is less for the paperback. I’m happy with Hooky, too, but I learned a lot and I think I put together a better looking product with On His Orders.
My husband and I have been experimenting with female domination and humiliation play for a little while now. While it had a few awkward moments at the beginning (I’m not naturally dominant and it took both of us a while to get comfortable with me saying/doing things that are fairly derogatory), it’s been a lot of fun.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to do, even with my husband giving me some ideas and saying what would be good and what would be off-limits, so I looked around to try to find some ideas.
What I found was a small handful of items that were intriguing for us, mixed in with a great number of things that just weren’t our style. I know there are plenty of people out there who do get into this kind of lifestyle fully and with few limitations, but I don’t know how realistic that is for most people. Personally, I don’t want to hurt my husband to the point that he has permanent marks, make him drink pee, get branded, lick up his own cum, practice bestiality, or do yard work in women’s lingerie in plain sight of the neighbors. These were all suggestions that came up pretty regularly when I was searching for ideas at the start. That, and some form of “rules” for making domination/humiliation a true lifestyle.
We just want something to have fun with for a day or two (minus orgasm control, which necessarily takes longer).
And if those are your thing, great (except for the bestiality thing, which I can’t disapprove of any more than I currently do) More power to you. But for people like me, I put together a different list of items I think are more doable.
Before I get to the list, please be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, which is my first BDSM/femdom work.
I guess these aren’t really required, but I almost always employ both of these for my husband and I when we set out to do a little femdom.
1. Make Him Serve You
You can accomplish this in a lot of ways, particularly using the other ideas below. Have a set time or times where you’re the queen and he’s the servant that has to take orders from you and do anything/everything you want. Massages, oral, food and drink preparation – whatever you want.
2. No Orgasms Allowed
For him, obviously. You can (and should!) get off as many times as you can. So for, we’ve set a specific number of days that he is not allowed to orgasm. He is currently at 12, but his birthday is coming up very soon, which is when he is allowed relief. Our previous long was seven days.
You can also change it from “number of days” to “number of your orgasms.” So, he would be required to hold out until you’ve had 10 orgasms, rather than waiting for ten days. Both would work equally well, in my opinion. We’ve also considered using dice as an alternative – rolling two or three dice and using the combined number to determine how long he can’t cum.
OTHER IDEAS
Like I said above, there are many ways you can go about the first two. Here are some other ideas we’ve either used or think are at least worthy of discussion.
1. Massage
Make him massage you for as long as you want. One of my favorite things to do when dominating my husband is to have him massage my body with coconut oil until I fall asleep. It feels great for me, it puts me to sleep, I don’t give him anything in return, and he gets horny because he’s been rubbing all parts of my body.
2. Oral and Rimming Anytime You Want
This one should almost be added to the Musts above. If your partner is anything like my husband, this is quite teasing for him as well. Giving oral and rimming always gets him excited. Obviously, you’re the only one that gets to finish.
3. Blow Him
No, really. Blow him. Just make sure you stop before he cums. Getting him hard and teasing him with the prospect of getting to finish before sending him on his way just short of the finish line can be satisfyingly cruel. By day three of being teased, he’s ready to do anything you want.
4. Sex Anytime You Want
Very similar to above. I like this one a lot because it’s even more challenging for him. The way he struggles to get me off while holding himself back, especially when it’s the 3rd, 4th, 5th+ day in is wonderful. My husband has wonderful orgasm control, but even he struggles after five days of edging. Which brings me to…
5. Edging
I’ve found that one of the best ways to dominate and control my husband is by giving him things that he likes. When I’m controlling his orgasm as part of domination/humiliation play, I’m giving him a lot of attention a lot of days. Getting him so excited he has his sights set on an orgasm, wondering if he really can keep holding out, before forcing him to take the wind out of his sails before revving him up again really establishes a high level of power and control over him. A man that has been brought to the edge of cumming twenty times over the course of a week with no release is a man that will do anything you want.
6. Cock Cage
Make him wear a cock cage that prevents him from getting hard. Granted, we tried that and ended up buying one that really didn’t do the trick for us (see: https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/05/14/sex-toy-review/), but there are many others out there that you could try. However, you could use packing tape or duct tape and tape his flaccid dick to his balls. Anything to keep him from getting hard and to make it uncomfortable if his body tried.
7. Sit on His Face
Smother him with your ass and take control of the oral. Getting oral doesn’t always need to mean laying back and waiting for him to do what you hopefully want. Sometimes it means riding his face and using his mouth as a tool to give yourself an orgasm. Sometimes it means cumming while listening to him struggle for breath.
8. Sit on His Face Like He Isn’t There
This has been one of my favorite sexual things to do to him that isn’t actually all that sexual. I’ll strip him naked and lay him on the bed, mount his face and watch an episode or two of TV that I like but he hates, all while pretending he isn’t even there.
9. Flirt With Other Men
You could do this out in public while he watches, but I think it’s easier to use Tinder or some other dating/hookup app. I like to do that while sitting on his face or while he’s massaging my feet. After a while, I’ll let him read some of the messages and tell him what I like about the guys I’m talking to.
10. Treat Him Like an Object
Use him as a foot stool. Or any other inanimate object.
11. Make Him Wear a Butt Plug
Granted, a lot of men like that. But for us, this is in part embracing some role play.
12. Make Him Bartend
Have him make your favorite drink(s) all night while only allowing him water. Or perhaps beer in a can. The more elaborate or cumbersome your drink to make, the better.
13. Make Him Cook
And not just anything. Have him make your favorite food, but only enough for you while he gets something he hates.
Or, you could have a lot of variation here. He could have the same thing as you, but you could put it on a dish on the floor and have him eat it like a dog. Or you could put it right on the floor. Or you could step in his food and have him lick it off your feet. If you’re feeling really bold, you could fart on his food
14. Use a Marshmallow
How is up to you. But if you ask me, you could press a marshmallow as firmly onto your asshole as you can, holding it in place with a thong. Keep it there for as long as you’d like before having him remove it with his mouth and eat it. While he prepares your favorite food, you could hold a marshmallow in your ass for the entirety of the meal prep and dinner, giving him the marshmallow as his “dessert.”
Another classic. What you do with him from there is up to you, but tie him up and leave him helpless.
17. Have Him Lick Your Feet
Or suck your toes. Frankly, I really hate it. But more importantly, so does he.
18. Pedicure
Speaking of feet, when was the last time you had a pedicure? If you have a captive man intent on serving you and earning his orgasm, perhaps you can sit back and enjoy a pedicure before a nice meal and an orgasm before a massage.
19. Give Him Candy!
From your ass. Let him have as much candy as he wants, as long as he eats it out of your ass. Reese’s Pieces and M&Ms work quite well and can be inserted a little bit, too, until they’re nice and melty.
20. Hotbox Him
Hotbox him while he goes down on you under the covers.
21. No Need to be Clean
Have him rub your feet or sit on his face after you’ve finished exercising, but before you’ve showered. You could have him wash your body when you’re done as well.
22. Make Him Watch
Have sex with another guy or other guys while he watches and does not participate. Again, there are numerous reasons why a lot of guys are really into this (see, e.g., https://aliciastillsauthor.design.blog/2020/06/05/why-do-men-enjoy-cuckolding/), but it is traditionally seen as degrading and there’s an element of role play in all of this.
You can verbally mock him. Or not. I never have because it’s just something that neither of us are into at all.
23. Don’t Let Him Watch
Have sex with another guy or other guys, but don’t let him watch
24. Tell Him How Good Other Guys Are
In either of the above cases, make sure to tell him how good the other guys were. Depending on what you two are into, you could have him go down on you when they’re done. If you clean up as little as possible, you’ll still smell and taste like sex. If you queef while he goes down on you, you can always tell him that you can’t help it – big dicks make you do that.
Actually sleeping with other guys is a big step, so if you’re not ready for it, you could just tell him about great sex you’ve had that didn’t include him. You could even make it up if you wanted.
25.Make Him Bathe and Dress You
Have him draw you a bath and wash your body, lotioning you from head-to-toe when you’re done. If you’re going to have sex with another guy, this is a great one to employ as your own foreplay.
When I was still seeing the first guy I regularly had sex with after starting to date my husband, he bathed me and rubbed body butter on my entire body before dressing me in my favorite lingerie. I have this purple corset combo that I love, but it’s really a pain to put on. When I was lotioned, he methodically dressed me in the corset – which I wore under my regular clothes – before sending me out the door to the other guy’s loft, obviously fully aware that I was going over to have sex with him.
26. Make Him Listen
Tie him and blindfold him before lying next to him and masturbate until you orgasm. Don’t take the blindfold off or restraints off until you’re fully dressed again.
27. Show Him How It’s Done
You could also let him watch you masturbate, but not touch himself. Or, you could have him rim you while you masturbate.
28. Reverse Spoon
I don’t know if there’s a different term for it already, but have him sleep with his face in your ass. My husband has put his pillow down by the back of my legs under the covers and position himself so that while I’m laying on my side, it’s sort of like he’s spooning me, but with his face in my ass. He doesn’t stay there all night, but he has done that for several hours at a time.
29. Dance, Monkey
It’s usually the woman dancing for the man, so flip the tables and make him give you a lap dance.
30. Dance for Him
If your goal is to make him as sexually frustrated as possible, a well-timed sexy striptease can drive him crazy.
31. Post Him Online
Find a forum for femdom or male humiliation and post naked pictures of him online. Obviously, only do it with his consent and most likely with anything personally identifiable (like his face) removed from the picture.
32. Dress Seductively
Do this as much as possible while you’re making him hold out. I have to be more careful about this than I’d like to because we have our kids around most of the time, but short skirts that make for easy upskirting, see-through leggings, lowcut tops, slutty lingerie at nighttime for no reason other than slutty lingerie at nighttime have been my friends. I want him thinking about sex as much as possible.
33. Queef
Most men are really grossed out by queefs, even though they seem entirely harmless to me. Funny sounding, but harmless. Queef around him or on him and watch him squirm.
34. Semi-Public Nudity
Obviously, you have to be careful because you don’t want him to get arrested. And if the neighbors happen to see, you can’t get them to unsee it.
But, we have a semi-private backyard. I’ve tied him to the playset after dark and left him there. It’s very unlikely that any neighbor would have been able to see him, but not impossible.
OTHER NOTES
Unless this is really going to be a lifestyle for you (in which case, most of this is just too effing mild), I would recommend setting times where you’ll play. If you’re withholding his orgasm, a lot of this will extend for a number of days. But set aside specific time frame – e.g., one evening – where you’ll do the “mean” things to him. It can be fun to have my husband serve me and get turned on by me doing what would otherwise be unpleasant things to him, but it would be a lot less fun if we didn’t have set, specific times for that part of our play. I want most of my time spent with my husband to be where we’re treating each other as equals.
Alicia Stills Author: Erotica and Fantasy 