If you’re interested, please head over to BookSprout to pick up a free copy of Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom. The copy is free! All I ask is that if you enjoyed it, please leave a review at your favorite retailer (or multiple). Amazon is preferable, but you can choose another if you would like.
I’m still learning the ropes for a lot of the self-publishing game. One of my challenges has been figuring out how to get reviews on the books I’ve written and published. I tried BookSprout with On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful and at least got a few reviews.
I came across this article about the show Bridgerton on Netflix and thought it was an interesting perspective.
The first thing I noticed was actually that the job of “Intimacy Director” is a real thing. I don’t know what you have to do to obtain that job, but I want in. I can absolutely direct more realistic scenarios in the bedroom. First of all, sex doesn’t just end in a loud yell from both people before they immediately roll over, sweaty and out of breath. And guys aren’t erect immediately upon the initiation of sex. Fifteen seconds after the wang makes an appearance and he’s still soft? That doesn’t mean sex is impossible.
But anyway, that was a tangent.
I haven’t seen the show, but I’ll have to check it out. The point of the above article was how the female masturbation scene was done in a realistic way, unlike how tv/movies have historically portrayed it. Namely, the woman wasn’t stripping completely naked and putting on a show for the enjoyment of the male viewers.
Which certainly is something different. Plus, the sex scenes were viewed through the lens of a woman. The scenes weren’t shot with a focus on displaying the female form, but on highlighting the female experience.
I have to admit, the explanation of how the portrayal of sex was unique wasn’t what I was expecting, but I found it informative all the same. I had been expecting an article about the acceptance of portrayals of women enjoying, or at least experimenting with, sex.
And (again, without seeing the show yet) it sounds like that could have been discussed as well. The article references American Pie, and even before I read past the headline, I was already thinking about American Pie and But I’m a Cheerleader. Both films came out in 1999, and while American Pie was far raunchier and had sex scenes and scenes of male masturbation, But I’m a Cheerleader was the one that nearly received an NC-17 rating.
It’s offense? There was a reference to a woman receiving oral sex and there was a scene where a fully-clothed woman masturbates.
Compare that to images of Jason Biggs‘ bare ass as he fucks a pie and get back to me on the rationale on that one.
Anyway, I’ll have to check out Bridgerton. If nothing else, I always enjoy seeing the evolution of the portrayals of sexuality. At least topical, fully-clothed masturbation now passes muster.
Apparently hackers took control of a cock cage that can be controlled by a partner via the internet and tried to extort money in exchange for penile freedom.
I’m all for sexual exploration and femdom of a willing partner, but this is a good reminder to be careful. I would never trust something like this in the first place, and I certainly won’t now. I can’t imagine having a stranger control a chastity device.
Yeesh. Some things really don’t need to be online.
But if cock cages, submissive men, and dominant women turn you on, please be sure to check out Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom, which is my first BDSM/femdom work.
Specifically, if you have a threesome with two women and a man (FMF), are you now obligated to have a threesome with two men and a woman (MFM)?
To me, the answer is an obvious “no,” but I’ve seen quite a few people and sites say otherwise. In order to be “equal,” you have to do both kinds of threesomes “for” your partner. I can’t find it anymore, but I remember hearing Channing Tatum talk about it years ago, saying something along the lines of, “well, yeah, a threesome with two women is great, but remember, you have to give her a threesome with two guys afterwards, so be ready for that.”
I think that view is absolutely bonkers. No wonder so many people have failed threesome attempts. If this is how you understand the dynamics of group sex to be, you really aren’t cut out for it, in my opinion. There are just so many problems with viewing sex through that kind of prism that it can be difficult to even begin addressing how wrong it is. I’ll take a crack at it, though.
First, threesomes and any other kind of swinging as a couple has to be something that both partners want to do. If one partner really doesn’t want to add a third person – even if I think they should be open to trying it out to see how fun it can be – they shouldn’t. And their partner should respect that. It doesn’t mean they can’t explore it again in the future, but you can’t get involved if one person isn’t interested.
Second, and related, is that you aren’t having a threesome “for” your partner. Your having a threesome with your partner as part of a mutual desire to have one. If a couple has an FMF threesome, it should be because both the man and the woman wanted to add another woman to the mix. Neither one should be able to say sometime in the future that their partner owes them an MFM because they did FMF “for” the other. No, you did FMF because you both wanted to. Neither of them gets to say that they had a threesome for the other because they both wanted it. Even if one of them had a greater interest in FMF than the other. And, of course, the inverse is true – just interchange FMF for MFM.
Third, if the above isn’t the case and one person was only having a threesome in order to use that as leverage over the other, that’s really shitty. I mean, really, really shitty. That’s sexual coercion and isn’t fair to your partner. If my husband had only been having MFMs with me in order to make me feel obligated to give him an FMF, I would have felt entirely violated, even if I did want to have an FMF with him.
Fourth, viewing sexual relationships and bringing extra partners into bed with you as being so tit-for-tat is an extremely and overly simplistic way to view equality. If you have FMF you have to have MFM, or vice versa, is a child-like way to think about equality in the complex relationships that adults have. It just doesn’t compare to “Well, Jane had a turn with Toy A, so now John gets a turn with Toy A” like we tell our toddlers when they argue.
But, if you want to check out some of my works where the couples are happily having threesomes and foursomes, please check out the below:
I find myself considering the topic of race as it relates to interracial cuckolding a lot. Every time I think about it, I can’t get past the issue of what role, exactly, race plays in the situations. Far too often, the sentiment behind the image at the top of this post is too relevant for my liking.
I’ll start by saying that I have absolutely no issues with interracial relationships, attraction to certain races over others, or anything like that. Everyone is entitled to be attracted to whatever feature it is that they prefer. Many people are more attracted to certain races, and (since it’s not 1960), I fully support that.
But… I do have to question the motivation behind interracial cuckolding.
Perhaps some will disagree with me about the depictions made in porn, but I don’t think there’s much of a question that the pornography industry plays heavily on racist tropes. Innocent-looking woman being taken by a “thug,” particularly groups of thuggish black men. Latina women playing the role of subservient maid. Racist language throughout. Differences in race being fetishized and highlighted throughout the scene. There’s more on that here: Interracial Cuckold Porn, as well as many other sources. And others have noted that – specifically in relation to the cuckold genre – cuckold scenes very frequently feature a black man as the bull and a white man being cucked, whereas the inverse is very rarely true.
Why is that?
All I keep coming back to is that it’s a continuation of racist depictions that naturally play into the cuckolding desires. Many men enjoy being cuckolded due to the humiliation factor involved in the practice. There’s also an aspect of role reversal that can be a turn on.
Even though there are quite a few reasons why men want to be cuckolded by their partner, humiliation is the one that most people focus on, particularly in the porn industry. They do so in a very shallow and cartoonish sort of way, but it’s a primary focus.
So, as a white couple, having a black man sleep with your wife is presumed to make the entire situation more embarrassing. The roles have really been reversed as well. Now, not only is the man subservient to his wife, but he’s also subservient to a black man as well. Twice the role reversal, twice the humiliation, I guess.
I think this is why the interracial depictions in the industry have always made me uncomfortable. Race has been inserted into the discussion as an additional factor that is supposed to be so obvious as to be presumed to be more degrading.
Not that it’s always that way, but I struggle to see it any other way in most circumstances. I know there are more innocent explanations for a lot couples that put this into practice – obviously, the humiliation factor may be enhanced for some white men who simply view men of other races as superior in some manner. And a woman may simply be more sexually attracted to men of a different race, even if her partner isn’t of that race. So I’m not going to draw any absolutes here.
But I’m still strongly suspect of the fetishization of races, particularly in the context of cuckolding.
Anyway, it’s just some food for thought. Please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom is on sale at a discounted price via Smashwords now through February 15, 2021. Rather than $2.99, you can pick up a copy for $1.79 using coupon code UQ25F (which is also on the checkout page).
While you’re there, feel free to check out the other featured deals currently running on the site to see if you find you’re next favorite read.
If you’re interested, please swing on over to: https://booksprout.co/arc/57256/on-his-orders-faithfully-unfaithful to get a copy of On His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful. The copy is free, and all I ask is that you leave a review at your favorite retailer (or multiple).
I’m still learning the ropes for a lot of the self-publishing game. One of my challenges has been figuring out how to get reviews on the books I’ve written and published, with pretty minimal success so far. To that end, I came across BookSprout and am giving that a try.
The first 20 reviewers should be able to get a copy for free. Reviews can be left at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, Apple, and Goodreads. You can leave a review at one retailer or all of them.
For me, the leadup to swinging can absolutely be the best part about the entire experience. That isn’t always the case, especially when it’s with a guy I’ve been with a bunch of times before and there hasn’t been a very long break between threesomes (or whatever we’re doing). But more often than not, the leadup is my favorite part.
I’ll use the first time my husband and I had me sleep with another guy as an example. We had been talking about it for a long time, but we just hadn’t gone through with it. That didn’t mean I had stopped thinking about it, though. I hadn’t. In fact, I had been fantasizing about sharing that experience with him from before we had even started talking about it.
But when we decided to go through with it, I took my time, searching for the right guy, flirting with prospective partners. It was fun to be on the dating scene again and to see men want me. I felt sexy and desirable and took that new energy back home with me.
I finally settled on one guy in particular that seemed promising. He was my age, attractive, and easy to get along with. We flirted via e-mail and text for a long time and there never really seemed to be a lull in the conversation. Eventually, I got drinks with him just to feel out the waters and rule him out if he just didn’t seem to live up to expectations.
But he did live up to expectations. I didn’t do anything with him that night and just left it as a good first date of sorts that had followed a lot of fun, flirty conversation. My husband (then boyfriend) and I talked a lot about what we each wanted me to do with this new guy, what I liked about him, and what I was most excited about. It was really freeing to be able to be sexually attracted to another man and to not only be able to tell my husband about it, but to be able to really discuss it with him. It was so much fun – he had even checked out guys with me before that to help me find someone that we thought would work.
Sometime after that first date, I was out with some friends on a girls’ night when this other guy texted me to see if I was interested in going over to his place. I was. I really was. I had been regretting not taking things farther at our first real date, but I was still making sure my husband was okay with everything.
So, I called my husband when I left the bar and told him that this other guy asked if I wanted to come over. I didn’t say he asked me to come over to his place for sex, but I didn’t need to. We all knew that was what he meant.
I was so nervous to make that call, but extremely excited. At the time, I wasn’t entirely sure how he would respond. He wanted me to have sex with this guy and come home to him afterwards, bringing sloppy seconds with me. See my earlier post about sloppy seconds. I had never had that request before and didn’t quite understand the appeal.
But he seemed as enthused as I did and quickly told me to go ahead and head over to this guy’s place. So I did.
His place was really nice. Downtown, loft, great building. I was so excited to be there that I could have skipped all foreplay. In a lot of ways, it felt like a one-night stand, but the buildup to the event made it so much bigger. And better.
I don’t really remember much of what happened at the beginning. He gave me a tour and we hung out in his place, just letting the sexual tension hang in the air. Eventually, we started kissing and the clothes came off.
All was great up to this point. Of course. Now that we had reached the climax, so to speak. I was dripping wet and couldn’t wait to fulfill one of my husband’s biggest desires, but my new friend was… not so up to the task.
I chalked it up to nerves and used my hands to try to get him hard. No go.
Okay, I thought. I wasn’t expecting this, particularly from a 23-year-old guy, but I figured it was nothing we couldn’t work through. I pushed him back so he was on the couch and got to my knees, taking his cock in my mouth. I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick picture (husband’s request) and kept sucking on him to get him hard.
It’s not like I had never sucked on my husband to get him hard before, but I don’t think it ever took more than thirty seconds or so. Three minutes in and I still have a limp noodle in my mouth. By five minutes or so, he finally gets (mostly) hard.
He puts my on the couch and gets on top of me, trying to enter me missionary style. Already, he had started to go soft and he struggled to even get inside of me. He finally does, but it doesn’t do all that much for me. He definitely lied when he said he was better hung than my husband, but was semi-hard when he entered and went fully-soft again while inside.
He suggested that we go to his bedroom and try a different position. I agree. I figure that it can’t really get any worse. I dropped to my knees and started giving him a blowjob again. Perhaps seeing me on my knees would help get him hard? Maybe he liked the more subservient-looking partner and just hadn’t told me?
Whether that was it or not, he did get hard pretty quickly and put a new condom on. He said he wanted me to ride him, cowgirl style, since that was his favorite position.
I obliged and slid him in without hesitating. I didn’t want to risk him going soft again and it looked like he was already on his way just from the time it took to put on the condom.
Sex in that position lasted all of about 40 seconds before he blew his load. No apologies for being so short. No attempt to go down on me to get me off. Nothing of the sort and I leave, pretty unfulfilled.
To top it off, my husband is horny AF when I get home. I was nervous to tell him about everything, but I did. He was as disappointed as I was that the sex was so disappointing, but still incredibly turned on by hearing about me describe going through with everything and seeing the one picture I took. He laid me on my back and went down on me, telling me that he could smell the condom on me and that it looked like I had sex. We did missionary and then cowgirl, just to match the other guy.
However, he was so horny that he lasted all of about three minutes with me on top of him, pushing me off his dick and cumming all over my lower back. Which never happens with him. Never. He had better self-control when I didn’t let him cum for the entire month of November.
So, I had fucked two men in the course of about 30 minutes and made both of them cum, but hadn’t gotten close myself at all. To be fair to my husband, that hasn’t happened since, and – like a gentlemen – he flipped me over and used his tongue to give me a well-deserved orgasm.
I mean, I’m happy I did it and everything. The process of finding a guy and flirting, teasing (both the new guy and my husband) was a lot of fun, and I feel like it really brought my husband and I together in a lot of ways. But the actual hotwifing portion? Not so good. Not so good at all.
Even when I’ve had great sex with new guys, I still usually prefer the flirting and the foreplay and everything that comes before the sex over the actual sex.
I’d love to hear other’s thoughts and experiences.
And, as always, please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
I wrote about the various reasons why men enjoy cuckolding earlier, which you can find here: Why Do Men Enjoy Cuckolding?
It occurred to me, though, that a second post on this topic was needed and that I just hadn’t written it yet. I guess I assumed that the benefits for women were just so obvious that they didn’t need to be explored? I don’t know why it’s taken this long. I think there are some obvious perks, even if the topic is still pretty complicated.
I think women are nearly as likely to wonder if there is something wrong with them for wanting to be a hotwife as men are for wanting a hotwife. And there are many reasons for that. Namely, I think most societies have stigmatized women being sexual, making MFMs or women having two or more simultaneous or consecutive partners as being too “whorish” and something to be ashamed of. See some of my thoughts on that here: Stigma of MFMs.
Regardless, I don’t think any woman is weird for wanting multiple men. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. There are many perfectly normal and healthy reasons for being turned on by and wanting to practice cuckolding or being a hotwife.
*A note before I go on: I’m going to use cuckolding and hotwifing together here, even though porn has bastardized the term cuckolding so that it invokes images of women mocking their husbands as pathetic, small-dicked and utterly incapable of pleasing them, and therefore, undeserving of affection. However, I’m using cuckolding in the traditional sense, which doesn’t necessarily include any level of degradation, contrived or otherwise. It’s just the practice of a woman sleeping with another man with the approval of her husband. But there are multiple ways to do it.
Below is a completely non-exhaustive list of reasons why some men want to be cuckolded. Although first, please be sure to check out some of my works about hotwifing and cuckolding:
I’ll start with what seems to be the most obvious: sexual fulfillment. Having sex with more than one guy can be very satisfying and is one of the biggest perks of single life. Hotwives don’t have to give up this perk and can still sleep with more than one guy.
Not only that, but they can sleep with guys who have better bodies than their normal partner and who are fantastic in bed. Nothing is universal, but it seems that most guys who share in this turn on want to see their wife/girlfriend have great sex with a hot guy – not mediocre or bad sex with a guy that can’t keep up with him.
To me, it’s tough to complain about this perk. It’s having your cake and eating it, too, only instead of having cake, it’s great sex with multiple guys while your husband cheers you on.
Plus, different guys have different moves. Even if you’re having great sex with your partner, someone else may provide some much-appreciate variety.
THREESOMES, MORESOMES, AND TRAINS
This is closely related to the above, but being a hotwife brings with it new opportunities for sexual play. Threesomes or foursomes (all men, obviously) are a different experience from merely having sex with one man. With four hands, two mouths, and two… wangs, there’s more that can be done to a woman that one man just isn’t capable of.
And many women have the unfortunate experience of sex not lasting nearly long enough. Try as they might, some men just can’t hold off long enough to get the job done. At least not as thoroughly as their partner would prefer. But when you have a bull and a man waiting at home, it’s a very effective way to extend sex until you get everything you need.
EXHIBITIONISM
I don’t think it’s a shock to hear that exhibitionism is one of the most common fantasies for women. Being watched is sexy and it can be very sexy to have a significant other watch us in our most exposed. Even if the husband or boyfriend isn’t watching or participating, detailing what you did can be quite exciting, especially when you see him get excited to hear the details.
FEELINGS OF EMPOWERMENT AND DESIRABILITY
I’ve written about it elsewhere, but MFMs and hotwifing really isn’t about a power imbalance between husband and wife and the decision to enter into this type of play is mutual when it is done correctly.
But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t feel empowering for a woman to have two men want her so much that they’re willing to share her. It can be extremely erotic to have two men who think you’re so sexy that they don’t mind that you are with other guys.
I mean, if we’re being honest, it feels nice to be desired, even if we don’t have any interest in the guys desiring us. We still feel more confident, beautiful, and desired.
THE THRILL OF THE TABOO
There’s no reason to think that only men get turned on by doing something taboo. Societal norms and expectations demand that people act in a certain way. But for many people, it’s a lot of fun to break those norms. It feels “wrong” and “dirty,” even though your partner is right there, either cheering you on from home or from right next to you. Even though it’s much more common than most people realize, hotwifing is still seen as very taboo in most circles.
SATISFYING YOUR PARTNER
Having a hotwife is possibly the biggest male fantasy, aside from FMF threesomes (which you can hardly count since every man wants that, generally speaking). Satisfying your partner’s needs and wants can be a very enjoyable experience.
FULFILLS DOMINATION OR SADISM DESIRES
The “D” and the “S” in BDSM. Many women get off on dominating or humiliating their partner (consensually, of course). Hotwifing creates a new type of opportunity within this realm. Even though your partner wants you to sleep with other men, that doesn’t mean you can’t incorporate role play into the activity and portray it as though you are truly dominating him and making him feel inadequate.
There’s something inherently powerful about being able to look at your partner while another man makes you orgasm.
INCREASES TRUST AND COMMUNICATION
Perhaps this isn’t something that is necessarily “caused” by hotwifing, but couples who hotwife tend to have a higher level of trust and better communication. One could make the argument that those who engage in the practice successfully already had a high level of trust and communication, but I think that there are at least as many that sat down and had a much more open and honest conversation about what they wanted. Once you start talking about the real possibility of a woman in an otherwise committed relationship having sex with other guys or having MFM threesomes, you really open the door to vibrant communication.
NEW LEVELS OF INTIMACY
Many couples report that they feel more connected to their partner than ever after hotwifing. It’s a vulnerable experience in many ways and is something that the two of you have shared. Many people report that hotwifing can create a new spark in a relationship and can bring back those exciting feelings we all had when the relationship was brand new.
It can also be very intimate to engage in the buildup process prior to a date. The hotwife preparation, choosing clothes, deciding how the date will (hopefully) play out – all provide changes for an intimate sort of bonding that can be difficult to recreate elsewhere.
Plus, many couples report that the reclamation sex afterwards is extremely bonding and provides reassurance that the relationship is far stronger than any orgasm with someone else.
CONCLUSION
Hotwifing, of course, is not for everyone. But it seems that if you have a willing male partner, I don’t know why most women wouldn’t at least give it a try. There are many benefits and can combine the best of single life with the best of being in a relationship. I think it’s amazing to be able to have the sexual variety that I had before I met my husband, while also knowing that he’s supporting me 100% and is still there for me.
This is part 3 of 3 of my reviews of the self-publishing platforms I’ve used so far. Parts 1 & 2 on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, respectively, are already up.
Smashwords may be lesser known, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the site. It may not have the name recognition of Amazon and B&N, but it seems to hold its own fairly well.
Unlike Amazon and B&N, Smashwords has a service where they will distribute your e-book to other retailers. I think this option is great, and it eliminates the need to upload your book to each retailer individually and to make changes on each retailer’s site when updates are warranted. It’s a big time-saver in that sense. Plus, you achieve a wider distribution beyond just Smashwords.
2. Top Royalties
Smashwords pays 80% royalty. This isn’t completely straightforward, but sales directly on Smashwords pay an 80% royalty rate, regardless of the price of your book (minimum of 99 cents). You can set an optional affiliate payment, which is automatically set at first to 11% unless you opt out or change it. But essentially, anyone that refers a reader to Smashwords using an affiliate code can get 11% of the proceeds of a sale of your book (or different amount, depending on what you set it at).
In my experience, most sales don’t come via an affiliate. I don’t like losing out on 11% when it happens, but I also appreciate that without the affiliate, I wouldn’t have made the sale, So there’s that.
Additionally, if your book is priced at under $2.99, you still get this higher royalty rate, which differs from Amazon (but no longer B&N, as of 2/1/2021). And there is no reduction based on location of purchaser.
If your book is in the premium catalog – meaning it is getting distributed to other retailers like Kobo, Apple, Scribd, etc. – the other retailer takes 30% and Smashwords takes 10%. So you still end up with a 60% royalty if it isn’t an affiliate sale. This is great on its own due to the ease of getting your book out to more places, but there’s an additional benefit if your book is under $2.99. If you publish via B&N and have a book priced at 99 cents, you would get a 40% royalty rate. If you go through Smashwords, you still get this 60% rate. (**Update** B&N now has a 70% royalty, regardless of e-book price; however, the above analysis still applies for other retailers).
3. Strong Sales
Of course it could just be my experience up to this point, but I’ve found that the sales through Smashwords have been strong. Nearly as strong as using just Amazon, actually.
4. Affiliate System
I like the affiliate system, both in that affiliates have some motivation to link to my books, but also in that I can be an affiliate and potentially add revenue by directing others to Smashwords or particular books/authors.
5. Quick publication
At least to Smashwords, itself. My books are available on Smashwords in a matter of minutes. It takes a day or two to get to other retailers, but for Smashwords itself, it’s nearly immediate.
But, unlike B&N, if you are looking at a book that has a coupon, they actually tell you the book is discounted and what the coupon code is.
CONS
1. Worse Ease-of-Use
I’ve found that the formatting needed to be acceptable on Smashwords for their premium catalog status to be far more difficult than Amazon and B&N. It’s no issue if you only want to publish on Smashwords, but if you want to go to other retailers, you have to format it in a very particular way using an older version of Word. I understand that part of this is due to needing to convert to multiple formats due to differences amongst retailers, but it also feels like it could be better-automated in 2021.
2. No Ability to Use Coupons at Retailers
While I love that I can put my books on sale at Smashwords (like HookyOn His Orders: Faithfully Unfaithful, and On His Orders: Entertaining Threecurrently are), this doesn’t carry over to retailers. It would be nice to be able to have a consistent price/promotion across all retailers. But, since I don’t have an account with other retailers and, because even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to add a coupon published through someone else, I can’t add a comparable coupon.
3. Smashwords is Relatively Unknown
I think this one speaks for itself. Most people haven’t heard of Smashwords and don’t go to it first. Again, my sales there have been fine, but I think it’s still lacking in some name recognition for a lot of consumers.
Bottom Line
The bottom line for me is that I think Smashwords is fantastic. It has great royalties and it distributes to other retailers. It makes wider distribution easier with no need to make multiple stops when changes are needed.
My workaround to the hassle to format correctly has been to have all of my formatting preset in a document that I can then past my books into, applying the relevant formatting to each section. I think it took me about 20 minutes to format Strictly Business: Tormenting Tom this way.
Alicia Stills Author: Erotica and Fantasy 